Have courage, young heart, for God is not timid.
God is not meek. God is not afraid.
If you've ever felt the force of peace lift you as a child caught in a river, carrying you effortlessly upward by the power of grace, the pure water of soul flowing beyond time and filling infinity....
If you've ever looked up to realize the Tree grows far taller and mightier than any vision can contain; its branches spreading through the cosmos in a thousand waves of light, pulling together all of Creation....
Have courage, young heart, for God's strength lives within you. You are His child, and all that He is, you shall inherit.
Trust in the Lord with all of your Heart, for He is Life.
All Grace, All Might, All Glory contained.
He is Life.
* * *
We live on the edge of infinity.
A slight step to the left, and we can touch it.
Expand your heart. Lose all else inside of it.
Empty of desire, filled with Light,
Emptiness is wholeness is nothing is All.
God, you struck me through the heart;
empty of myself, You gave me Life
that now Your love pours from the root of me
And all else fades away and away.
A person at our Vedanta meeting asked today about the nature of karma: "I am struggling with a twofold issue with the concept of karma: good-good and bad-bad. If something bad happens to a person, if you think in terms of karma then it becomes easier to judge them, thinking this is their bad karma from a past life experience that they brought upon themselves. The other issue is that, if something bad happens to me, I lose motivation to deal with it or overcome it, thinking this is my bad karma so it's inevitable."
I love that this student of Vedanta brought up this challenging topic. It made me reflect as well, drawing wisdom from my own life experiences as not only an orphan, but a working adult in this chaotic society.
It made me reflect on how we tend to assign the meaning "good" and "bad" to events.
Karma is impersonal, which can be difficult to fit into a Western narrative, because Western religions personalize everything. For instance, in Western thought, if something bad happens to you, it's seen as "punishment." Or if something good happens to you, it's because God has favored you (or variations of this.)
This idea of good and bad begins early in childhood, in socialization. It is part of the Western Judeo-Christian narrative. But in fact, if you remain completely rational, you can reason that no event in life is good or bad, whether you accept karmic law or not. It just is. Events happen in our lives, some of them difficult, destructive, and hurtful to us, but the event itself is neutral. There is no cosmic grudge against us. There is no God meting out punishment and reward. But, the mind needs to understand things. It needs to ask, "Why?" It reasons, "Am I bad?"
So, in Western society, we try to personalize the event as punishment or "bad karma," placing our friends or ourselves at fault for suffering. But people don't suffer because they deserve to suffer. People suffer because the narrative that defines our world creates suffering by its tendency to "cling" to meaning, to reasons, to outcomes. Events happen because we live in an imperfect reality. Are we to hate or blame the nature of reality for our struggles? That doesn't make sense. In fact, that sounds like a form of insanity.
Instead of trying to find an answer to the reason "Why?" or trying to reason out why a "bad thing" happened to someone, it's better to retain an attitude of indifferent compassion. What do I mean by this? Rather than worrying about the "Why" of an event, or who's responsible, or reasoning out an explanation, or judging the nature of the event, remain indifferent to it. Who cares why? This is the nature of an impermanent reality. There will be difficult situations. Simply accept what is and focus on a compassionate reaction. If you need help, then seek help. If you can help others, then help others. That's all that matters.
Spiritual growth isn't about controlling our external reality. It's about attaining balance in our internal reality.
Detached compassion creates a sense of flow in life and helps maintain inner peace. Over time, we begin to see even very serious disasters as simply small bumps to be stepped over, because we no longer see events as good or bad, and nothing can disrupt or interrupt our inner peace. Then, we are free to focus all our energy on being compassionate to everyone.
Be the sky, not the weather.
What is the silence of God?
The silence of God is that the universe is not silent. Only to the five senses is the universe silent. In silence, the Awakened One hears the name of God as one continuous sound, one continuous motion, binding all things together, and it moves through the heart and resonates in every cell as Love.
So the sage sits in silence and gazes upon the world, never hearing silence, never seeing the world, yet being merged in God.
Give me, Mother, what is befitting to me. And teach my soul to be content with Your gifts. And let the desire of my Heart, which is my service to You, be manifested into this world by Your Will, without disruption or interruption. Provide for me that I may be healthy and not suffer any worldly affliction or obstacles as I complete this Work for You, to glorify You. Ease the burdens of my worldly life that I might focus my soul's energies on the pursuit of this spiritual work. In God's grace, allow me never to descend again into the troubles of the world. Lead me and show me in all ways how this Work may glorify You and heal Your children. Amen.
For currently I do not belong to the realm of worldly action, but to the realm of the contemplative, the historian, the researcher, the writer. I do not seek outside myself for your Work, but inside, internally, where I might grow into the task You have set before me. I dedicate my mind to You. I pray for all my worldly desires, obstacles and burdens to be set aside and provided for as long as it takes to complete this Task. I ask for the Word, and the words, to communicate Your message perfectly. I pray for Unity of Will, harmony, wisdom and grace in the creation of this Work to which I set about my soul. This is my soul's purpose and focus. I feel the rightness, the satisfaction in my bones, as every cell in my body consumes Your knowledge, devouring this banquet of Fruit You have laid before Me.
I ask only to be closer to you, to be One with Your light.
I ask only that I am given Time to complete this Work without interruption or distraction.
I ask only that Our timing be perfect; that we arrive neither too early nor too late; that all may lay their eyes upon the Work of the Lord and know the Truth of the message that You have given to the world.
God, please let this Work be enough for the world, and allow me to fulfill the desires of my Heart. Please allow me to give this gift to You in its entirety, for this Work is my sacrifice, created from sacrificial love, that You might be remembered and I, myself, forgotten. Amen.
* * *
I have been pondering today why I was Saved as a child while my brother was not.
When I was 12 and my mother died, I turned to God and begged forgiveness. I felt so guilty. From that, I received the Holy Spirit and was reborn. I experienced Liberation.
My brother, on the other hand, prayed for God to save my mom's life from cancer. When she died, he denounced God and, I think, blamed Him for not saving her life. So my brother became strongly atheistic, with the thought that, if God did exist, then He was very far away and didn't concern Himself in our lives.
It is a strange dichotomy to ponder. But I think it is a way to illustrate the difference between our hearts, even as children.
It is said in the Bible that only the pure of heart shall see God. It is illustrated in the parable of Job that no matter what suffering life throws at you, not to turn away from the Lord.
Granted, I was atheist at the time, and at 12 years old, I didn't know anything about the Bible. But I knew this: that when my mom died, I did not blame God, but blamed myself for my failure to mend my relationship with my mother before her death. I felt at fault for not praying. What I mean by this is, that when I lost my mother, I realized I was so selfish, the very least of all I could have done was pray for her. Prayer costs us nothing, and I didn't even do that, because of my own pride. I blamed myself for letting my pride get between me and speaking to God.
When I cried out to God to forgive me and save me, it was from the depths of my heart, with the sincerity of a child, because I felt true remorse for what I had done. I didn't even know what I was asking, only that I needed God, because I couldn't burden the loss of my mother alone. And God came to me, preserving my Heart, and creating of it something so much more.
Juxtapose this with my brother, who is only a year older than me. While not believing in God, he asked God to save my mom's life while she was sick. The bargain became: "If You save my mom, then I'll believe in You." The logic was: "If you give me something, then I'll believe in You."
Unfortunately, this is not how spiritual law works. When my mom died, for my brother, it became God's fault. It drove him away from developing faith.
Our spiritual Mother knew this would happen. So why did She let my brother fall away?
First, She understands that Time is an illusion, and that we exist eternally, and so She is patient.
Secondly, Her realm is the Heart. Her realm is Perfect Love. What was the folly of the heart in my brother's reasoning? Why didn't he receive the Holy Spirit? First, that he felt entitled. He was trying to make God bend to his small human will. "God, if you want me to have faith in you, then you have to do this for me!"
Secondly, after creating this one-sided bargain, he blamed God for our mother dying, instead of humbly submitting to God's will. He never brought himself low enough to ask for forgiveness; to ask to be saved; to cry out for help. And so, he enhanced his own suffering by cutting himself off from the divine. This is why pride is a sin.
As I said before, this is very American. We think, "If God gives me what I want, then God exists." Or, "If God gives me presents, then I'll believe in him." Or, "If God makes me rich, then God is real." Or, "If God cures my cancer, then God loves me." And when these things don't happen, we think we are being punished, or that God doesn't exist.
No.
God exists outside of Time and Her magnanimous presence lives inside of us. She wants us to see Her, but we can't when we are so busy with ourselves. So if, by suffering through cancer, you are faced with your own mortality and you become more selfless, more humble, more appreciative of Life, and you begin to talk to Her, then your heart has grown, and you have progressed in your soul's evolution. This is a good thing.
She will not change herself or her nature to appease us. We must be the ones to approach Her. A petulant child who is misbehaving may want his Mother to come and scoop him up in Her arms, but then he will only learn to misbehave. So Mother waits until the tantrum has passed to embrace us.
An unripe soul will complain, "Why does God force us to suffer?" God doesn't force us to suffer. This is an imperfect, impermanent world. We choose to suffer because we do not choose to live a life of grace. We choose to suffer because we are so attached to ourselves, to our limited logic, to our stubborn belief that man is the master of the universe, to our crippled comprehension of life. We must let go of everything and submit to the life we've been given. We must become selfless to find freedom.
A lot of people talk about death, or people dying, like it's such a bad thing. But I think of my own death every day. It is the only certainty, the only thing promised to us, since the day we are born. So why are we so afraid of it? I am prepared for it, as much as I can be. This revelation of death is no revelation to me. So why are you afraid? You know this is your soul's inheritance, don't you? Or did you forget? We are meant to walk this path with the soul's fire in our hearts and our hands clasped in God's own. Or did you forget?
What happens to a child if you just give him presents and presents and presents? Gifts and gifts and gifts? The child becomes more and more selfish. And the more selfish we become, the less capable we are of understanding the nature of our Mother. So until the heart is fully ripened and purified, and the temple is ready to receive the spirit, God cannot shower us in gifts upon gifts, because it will corrupt our heart and push us farther away from Her.
Instead, God helps us to become selfless and purifies our soul through the path of humility. We suffer because we forgot that's why we are here. The more you want for yourself, the more God takes away. The less you want for yourself, the more God gives you. But our understanding of richness changes as well. We care less for the world, and more for the heart, and that is where our treasures dwell.
What God saw in my brother's heart was an unripe fruit. Although my brother was still a child, he lacked humility. To spare our mom's life for him only would have encouraged his ego. It would not have taught him to let go and overcome.
I know my brother will come to know God in his life. But I think it will be after my death. This is how our Mother turns all things to good.
To understand God's lessons, you must understand the nature of the heart. God does not work on human terms, nor care about our worldly desires. God is working to perfect your soul. We can work with our Mother, or we can ignore Her, or we can hate Her. But it does not change that God is still at work to perfect Your soul.
I have been practicing meditation now for about 1 month--since May 15th-ish or so. I have not been perfect with my schedule. In the beginning it was very hard. I could only focus my mind for about 2 minutes at a time, and sit still for about 10 minutes. I skipped days here and there. I tried to commit to 30 minutes in the morning, and 30 minutes in the evening. Sometimes I only got in about 10 minutes in the evening before getting so tired I fell asleep. Hah! But I've gotten progressively better and better at it, until now I crave it. I feel uncentered if I don't meditate in the morning and the evening. I notice an immediate change in my mood. So I think I will keep up this practice.
I've begun reading "The Ways of Perfection" by St. Teresa of Avila. I have never read her books before, though it's been recommended to me. As I work on the final stages of Our book, where I discuss the various Roots to the Tree of Life, I am reading a lot of different books by different religions and researching what they teach. Never before have I done such a deep dive before into all the different religions... but this Work must be done.
I am shocked to find that Teresian Prayer and Vedanta Meditation are almost the same thing.
I will elaborate. Here is an example of the meditation I am learning at the Vedanta Center in Seattle:
Swami Satyamayananda instructed us to begin meditation by sitting still with good posture. Regulate your breathing. Close your eyes and focus them on a point just past your chin. Keep your eyes and your hands still, as that will help your mind become still.
Then, become aware of your body. Become aware of how we sit, then our posture, then our throat, then our breathing. Focus on breathing for a while, maybe a few minutes. Just feel yourself in your body.
When you first start meditating, there will be a "settling in" period. It used to take ten minutes or more to get my mind to settle down. My thoughts were very disruptive, and I'd get stuck in worrisome loops.
So, as Satyamayananda described, during this process, thoughts will arise and fall. Feel yourself in your body and know that your thoughts are not who you are. Create distance, like watching a TV screen in your mind. Watch your thoughts rise and fall. Observe them impartially, like you are watching TV. Try not to get swept up in them, but if you do, gently break away and let the thought go. It will feel difficult at first, but over time, by doing this, you'll be able to push the thoughts far away, until they become like a thumbnail image, very small.
Do not worry that you can't control your mind. Nobody can have absolute control. The mind is meant to think! That's it's purpose! So it will think no matter what. The point is to become detached from the thoughts, and no longer identify yourself with your thoughts. Observe them, don't chase them. Learn to see your thoughts as separate from yourself. Swami tells us a metaphor: imagine your mind throws out cookies (thoughts.) Don't pick up the cookie! Let the thought pass through you.
Then, as you are sitting and meditating, feel yourself expand into space, larger and larger than your thoughts, and push your thoughts farther and farther away, until they become very small and insignificant. For the first couple of sessions, we only practiced this far. This was the goal in the beginning.
Once we got used to "settling in" and quieting the mind, Swami taught us the next step in meditation. Now, after detaching from your thoughts and becoming comfortable in your body, change your focus from the point beyond your chin. Focus instead on a place deep inside of you. Envision a golden light in your chest. Then, plunge in! Enter into the golden light and rest there.
After doing this a few times, it is okay to begin to focus on an image, if there is a specific deity or symbol representing God (like the Cross, or the Buddha, or Kali) that helps you focus your mind on God. Focus your mind intently on the image of God.
Then, you can repeat a mantra. A mantra is a word that help you focus your attention on this image of God. I mantra might begin as "God, I pray for peace and understanding." But eventually, it becomes just one word, repeated over and over with focused intention: "Peace peace peace peace." Something like that. The intention is the full prayer, but the word is only "Peace." This helps the mind focus. Swami explains that every thought is like a packet of spiritual energy. If we can focus all of our spiritual energy and intention on a single thought, it becomes a powerful mode of inner transformation.
Remember to remain relaxed while you are doing this. Sometimes I will realize my face has become tense was I focus on my image of God (I always imagine the Tree, with gold light pouring from its roots.) When I noticed this, I relax my body.
Eventually, as you do this, you will feel lifted up, your mind pulled into a state of happiness, even intense joy and bliss. You may also feel like you are expanding outward into space, into a deep peace. These are good things. These are states of consciousness. Allow yourself to focus on the golden light, or the symbol of God, and focus your mind until you feel yourself open up and become expansive, without borders, and the exterior world is very far away.
Monks can go hours in this state without breaking their focus and concentration. The Self, the Spirit of Life within you, will rain down Life into your body, regenerating cells, balancing hormones and chemicals in your brain, until you feel happy, refreshed, and at peace. This process is also called "Flow" and it's similar to a runner's high. Just like a musician can lose themselves in the flow of playing an instrument, the goal is to lose ourselves in the "Flow" of meditation. It's incredibly rejuvenating for the mind and body!
I have just reached the point in meditation where I am beginning to experience this "Flow." It is an addictive feeling for the brain. Now that I am experiencing it, I find that my brain craves to be in it more and more. Which is why I think I will make meditation a permanent part of my daily routine. Ideally I hope to dedicate an hour in the morning and an hour at night to it. As you meditate more and more, apparently you can maintain this state of "Flow" all the time. I can't even imagine!
Due to living in a Christian country, I find that certain parts of Vedanta lack familiarity due to the cultural difference. Because there is a lack of cultural familiarity, cultural "ownership" let's call it, the teachings feel a little out of shape for me, like clothes not quite cut to size. I wish I could have grown up in India where I can fully appreciate the profound teachings of Hindu mystics as part of my own childhood and assimilated culture.
Ironically, this sense of distance has been bridged for me, because I began reading The Ways of Perfection almost at the same time I started learning how to meditate, which is St. Teresa of Avila's famous book about prayer. I am shocked to discover that what she called "contemplative prayer" is almost exactly the same as what Swami teaches in Vedanta. Because of my Christian background, St. Teresa speaks to me on a more personal level, putting this spiritual practice in Christian context.
St. Teresa describes this process for her nuns like so:
"Consider that it is well worthwhile for you to have understood this truth: that the Lord is within us, and that there we must be with him.
"The intellect is recollected much more quickly with this kind of prayer... it is a prayer that brings with it many blessings. This prayer is called "recollection," because the soul collects its faculties together and enters within itself to be with its God. And its divine Master comes more quickly to teach it and give it the prayer of quiet than he would through any other method it might use. For centered there within itself, it can think about the Passion and represent the Son and offer him to the Father and not tire the intellect by going to look for him on Mount Calvary or in the garden or at the pillar.
"Those who by such a method can enclose themselves within this little heaven of our soul, where the Maker of heaven and earth is present, and grow accustomed to refusing to be where the exterior senses in their distraction have gone, or look in that direction, should believe they are following an excellent path and that they will not fail to drink water from the fount; for they will journey far in a short time.
"Those who know how to recollect themselves are already out to sea, as they say. For even though they may not have got completely away from land, they do what they can during that time to get free from it by recollecting their senses within. If the recollection is true, it is felt very clearly; for it produces some effect in the soul. I don't know how to explain it. Whoever has experienced it will understand; the soul is like one who gets up from the table after winning a game, for it already sees what the things of the world are. It rises up at the best time, as one who enters a fortified castle to be safe from enemies. There is a withdrawing of the senses from exterior things and a renunciation of them in such a way that, without one's realizing it, the eyes close so as to avoid seeing them and so that the sight might be more awake to things of the soul.
"... And even though it isn't aware of this at the beginning, since the recollection is not so deep -- for there are greater and lesser degrees of recollection -- the soul should get used to this recollection; although in the beginning the body causes difficulty because it claims its rights without realizing that it is cutting of its own head by not surrendering. If we make the effort, practice this recollection for some days, and get used to it, the gain will be clearly seen; we will understand, when beginning to pray, that the bees are approaching and entering the beehive to make honey. And this recollection will be effected without our effort because the Lord has desired that, during the time the faculties are drawn inward, the soul and its will may merit to have this dominion. When the soul does no more than give a sign that it wishes to be recollected, the senses obey it and become recollected. Even though they go out again afterward, their having already surrendered is a great thing; for they go out as captives and subjects and do not cause the harm they did previously (ie. no more troublesome worries or fears about day-to-day concerns.) And when the will calls them back again, they come more quickly, until after many of these entries the Lord wills that they rest entirely in perfect contemplation."
"I consider it impossible for us to pay so much attention to worldly things if we take the care to remember we have a Guest such as this within us, for we then see how lowly these things are next to what we possess within ourselves."