It is healthy not to have too much success in your early career.
Because, in the years to come, you will simply strive harder, become better, improve improve improve....
And by the time you reach that success, you will be well worthy of it, having mastered all sorts of personal failures. And those who had success handed to them by extraneous means will never quite realize their full potential.
Premature success breeds laziness. Be thankful for the struggle.
And if you don't reach that public success, you will still have the personal success of realizing your full skill and talent. God sees it. A life of hardship and struggle is not a waste. It brings so much more to the soul--experience, patience, wisdom and true knowledge of the craft.
Keep going. You will succeed.
Showing posts with label path. Show all posts
Showing posts with label path. Show all posts
Friday, August 9, 2013
After the Valley
It is strange, looking back after walking the valley. I feel fearless. Undaunted by anything that life can throw at me.
Since passing through the valley of grief, my spiritual path has quieted.... The true challenge now is finding God in everyday tasks. The house cleaning, cooking, day-job and relationships. Without a great trial at hand, it is easy to lose track of God--easy to stray from one's purpose. (But the sense of God's purpose always remains. I feel like I am digging for the path. Perhaps procrastinating--a strange guilt of putting something off--and yet I know I am not ready to tackle anything greater than what I am already doing. My sense of direction remains.)
I am in a place now that is whole. I don't know how else to describe it. I am so much older now--though perhaps only a year has passed, here I am, a new person, navigating this strange new life. There is a sense of duality, as though this path is still a dream, a shock to my body. There is another reality out there somewhere, where my old self lives as though my parents never died, making the same ridiculous choices that spoiled youth make. That parallel road lives inside of me, even if it cannot come to pass; it is a phantom of the mind.
Who am I, now? Who is this person who waits, who contemplates, who decides? Who works responsibly? Who is able to see what others are doing and intending? I can read people so much more easily than I used to. I know God so much better than I used to. And God's ways have become like a deep pool within myself, a natural wellspring of thought, without so much doctrine and studying and reading. What truths I have learned, have become me. There is no need to profess anymore. My person speaks of where I've been, who I was and what I've become.
I am reminded of this short post from Monday, July 4th, 2011.
And I must say now, that what was hard then is now easy.
What was unnatural then has become my nature.
What was impermanent has changed, and has left me a new person.
And this new part of myself... this strength, this kinship with God, this wisdom of the world and innate knowledge of truth--it has become the very root of myself. What God plucked from the earth, he has replanted and pruned. It is now time to continue growing--and perhaps, to bear fruit.
Since passing through the valley of grief, my spiritual path has quieted.... The true challenge now is finding God in everyday tasks. The house cleaning, cooking, day-job and relationships. Without a great trial at hand, it is easy to lose track of God--easy to stray from one's purpose. (But the sense of God's purpose always remains. I feel like I am digging for the path. Perhaps procrastinating--a strange guilt of putting something off--and yet I know I am not ready to tackle anything greater than what I am already doing. My sense of direction remains.)
I am in a place now that is whole. I don't know how else to describe it. I am so much older now--though perhaps only a year has passed, here I am, a new person, navigating this strange new life. There is a sense of duality, as though this path is still a dream, a shock to my body. There is another reality out there somewhere, where my old self lives as though my parents never died, making the same ridiculous choices that spoiled youth make. That parallel road lives inside of me, even if it cannot come to pass; it is a phantom of the mind.
Who am I, now? Who is this person who waits, who contemplates, who decides? Who works responsibly? Who is able to see what others are doing and intending? I can read people so much more easily than I used to. I know God so much better than I used to. And God's ways have become like a deep pool within myself, a natural wellspring of thought, without so much doctrine and studying and reading. What truths I have learned, have become me. There is no need to profess anymore. My person speaks of where I've been, who I was and what I've become.
I am reminded of this short post from Monday, July 4th, 2011.
And I must say now, that what was hard then is now easy.
What was unnatural then has become my nature.
What was impermanent has changed, and has left me a new person.
And this new part of myself... this strength, this kinship with God, this wisdom of the world and innate knowledge of truth--it has become the very root of myself. What God plucked from the earth, he has replanted and pruned. It is now time to continue growing--and perhaps, to bear fruit.
Then David said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished. ~1 Chronicles 28:20 ESV
Pursuing Your Heart
I think it takes a great amount of personal strength to pursue our dreams.
And I don't think pursuing our dreams is selfish, not if we keep God in our hearts. When we walk close to God, our desires become like His. It would only make sense that He plants our dreams as well. And I think that, beyond serving Him, God wants us to be happy and fulfilled by what we do.
I have had this dream since I was very young, and feel that it is God's path and calling, though I do not yet see how it serves Him. I have been conflicted with my faith because I feel that my deeds serve myself more than others. I would like to know that I am greatly effecting the world for the better, but instead, I can only guess. I can only assume that, if this is my dream, God will use it to glorify Him, even if I am just beginning and do not yet see the connection. I am working blindly by faith, trusting that He will take me there.
It is easy to become downtrodden, especially when we choose a less-than-conventional path or career. It is easy to feel the negativity of others--bad responses, unsatisfied consumers or clients--and feel like we are failing
I face my fear of failure every day. I think that a single bad response from a friend or client feeds into that fear, and amplifies it by a thousand fold. So we might have a hundred people encouraging us, but just one voice can tear us down. We need God's voice--and our desires for Him--to be stronger than that.
To face the negativity, to overcome my sensitive heart, I MUST remind myself that it is not the majority who are negative. It is not the majority who are unsatified. We can't control the preferences or qualities of others, and if our work is not enough for one person, then we must let it go and not dwell on the negative. We must keep our eyes on our dream--on our path--on what brings us fulfillment in life.
It is hard to do, I will admit. It is so easy to bury something when we feel a lack of approval. And yet to bury this dream--this desire in my heart--would be to undo me. I cannot give up. I don't care if I fail a thousand times--if the entire world hates what I do--I know it is my purpose. I know it is the path that God has brought to me, given my talents and personal strengths. I know this is where I fit. I cannot let the words of others unsettle me.
God, be my strength. Be my compassion. Be my true fulfillment. Knowing that I am walking with You should be enough. Remind my heart that when I feel unappreciated, You are always gazing upon me with love. That my work is Our work. That you approve, even when others do not.
And please strengthen my faith in the future--that I will become better--that my words can reach the world.
And I don't think pursuing our dreams is selfish, not if we keep God in our hearts. When we walk close to God, our desires become like His. It would only make sense that He plants our dreams as well. And I think that, beyond serving Him, God wants us to be happy and fulfilled by what we do.
I have had this dream since I was very young, and feel that it is God's path and calling, though I do not yet see how it serves Him. I have been conflicted with my faith because I feel that my deeds serve myself more than others. I would like to know that I am greatly effecting the world for the better, but instead, I can only guess. I can only assume that, if this is my dream, God will use it to glorify Him, even if I am just beginning and do not yet see the connection. I am working blindly by faith, trusting that He will take me there.
It is easy to become downtrodden, especially when we choose a less-than-conventional path or career. It is easy to feel the negativity of others--bad responses, unsatisfied consumers or clients--and feel like we are failing
I face my fear of failure every day. I think that a single bad response from a friend or client feeds into that fear, and amplifies it by a thousand fold. So we might have a hundred people encouraging us, but just one voice can tear us down. We need God's voice--and our desires for Him--to be stronger than that.
To face the negativity, to overcome my sensitive heart, I MUST remind myself that it is not the majority who are negative. It is not the majority who are unsatified. We can't control the preferences or qualities of others, and if our work is not enough for one person, then we must let it go and not dwell on the negative. We must keep our eyes on our dream--on our path--on what brings us fulfillment in life.
It is hard to do, I will admit. It is so easy to bury something when we feel a lack of approval. And yet to bury this dream--this desire in my heart--would be to undo me. I cannot give up. I don't care if I fail a thousand times--if the entire world hates what I do--I know it is my purpose. I know it is the path that God has brought to me, given my talents and personal strengths. I know this is where I fit. I cannot let the words of others unsettle me.
God, be my strength. Be my compassion. Be my true fulfillment. Knowing that I am walking with You should be enough. Remind my heart that when I feel unappreciated, You are always gazing upon me with love. That my work is Our work. That you approve, even when others do not.
And please strengthen my faith in the future--that I will become better--that my words can reach the world.
“Agree with God, and be at peace; thereby good will come to you."
Job 22:21 ESV
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Gratitude
Not gonna lie. Today I was definitely sad. I had a moment this morning where I was downright depressed and close to tears.
Seeing as I was alone in the house, I finally just opened my mouth and said, "I'm really sad today."
And immediately, I heard God say in my heart, "Why are you sad?"
I said, "Because I miss my father."
He replied, "What would you be doing together right now if he was here?"
I thought about that for a moment. To be honest, I had no answer. I finally said, "I don't know. Just living my life with him, I suppose. Probably living in an apartment somewhere and working. I just miss him being around."
And God said, "Do you know why he had to die?"
I asked "Why?"
And He said, "Because he is Home now, and you will see him again, and this period of life is only a second. What about everything else? Do you not like your job?"
I thought of my wonderful job working for a creative magazine, my successful publishing career and the students I get to tutor, and I smiled and said, "No, I love my job."
And God said, "Do you love the man I sent you?"
And I thought of Robert, my boyfriend, and I smiled again and said, "No, I love Robert, he is loyal and kind, and we are so well matched, even in our flaws."
And God said, "What about the house I gave you? Do you like your house? Do you like your friends? Do you love your brother?"
And then I was smiling, and all I could do was kneel down on my knees in awe at all of the blessings God has showered on me. And I said, "Thank you, God. Thank you so much. I am grateful for everything and my life is perfect. Thank you for my wonderful, beautiful, perfect life."
Seeing as I was alone in the house, I finally just opened my mouth and said, "I'm really sad today."
And immediately, I heard God say in my heart, "Why are you sad?"
I said, "Because I miss my father."
He replied, "What would you be doing together right now if he was here?"
I thought about that for a moment. To be honest, I had no answer. I finally said, "I don't know. Just living my life with him, I suppose. Probably living in an apartment somewhere and working. I just miss him being around."
And God said, "Do you know why he had to die?"
I asked "Why?"
And He said, "Because he is Home now, and you will see him again, and this period of life is only a second. What about everything else? Do you not like your job?"
I thought of my wonderful job working for a creative magazine, my successful publishing career and the students I get to tutor, and I smiled and said, "No, I love my job."
And God said, "Do you love the man I sent you?"
And I thought of Robert, my boyfriend, and I smiled again and said, "No, I love Robert, he is loyal and kind, and we are so well matched, even in our flaws."
And God said, "What about the house I gave you? Do you like your house? Do you like your friends? Do you love your brother?"
And then I was smiling, and all I could do was kneel down on my knees in awe at all of the blessings God has showered on me. And I said, "Thank you, God. Thank you so much. I am grateful for everything and my life is perfect. Thank you for my wonderful, beautiful, perfect life."
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Plunging into darkness again....
Not an inner darkness. God knows I am happy and optimistic. But I'm launching a huge project and I honestly don't even know what I'm doing. Professionalism is like a mask people wear. Suddenly I'm surrounded by all of these big names and getting all sorts of inquiries, and I'm a tiny tiny fish in a big pond.
God, PLEASE be the light and grace inside of me. Exude strength and confidence. Let my warmth and positivity bleed through everything that I do. Be open. Be inviting. Move me with Your hand and show me how it's done, because You've done this before, and I trust that You can do it again.
I am the instrument. Let Him carry the tune.
Not an inner darkness. God knows I am happy and optimistic. But I'm launching a huge project and I honestly don't even know what I'm doing. Professionalism is like a mask people wear. Suddenly I'm surrounded by all of these big names and getting all sorts of inquiries, and I'm a tiny tiny fish in a big pond.
God, PLEASE be the light and grace inside of me. Exude strength and confidence. Let my warmth and positivity bleed through everything that I do. Be open. Be inviting. Move me with Your hand and show me how it's done, because You've done this before, and I trust that You can do it again.
I am the instrument. Let Him carry the tune.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
It's funny how when things go bad and life takes a turn for the worse, we pray and pray and pray, and we feel like God is in every thought and corner. We speak to Him, look to Him, heal with Him and grow stronger.
And then, when our prayers are answered and we are delivered from the storm, we look around and think -- wait, where is God? Is He still here?
This is what I've been experiencing lately. For so long, my life was endless panic. Waking up was hell, sleeping was hell, I felt friendless and alone. It was so easy to rely on God, because He was all I had.
And now that I am through the fire, that I have been delivered into this new life that is far more stable, I suddenly feel bereft. I no longer have that desperate need of God. When we suffer, we are so close to Him. We pray so sincerely. We look for Him so closely... and then, when He delivers us from that dark place and we are able to stand on our own, we suddenly feel like something is missing. As though His presence is gone from our lives.
But He is never gone.
My lesson for this week: that when your life seems to have reached a plateau, don't think that you are suddenly away from God. He is still all around you. In fact, everything around you is there with His blessing. You are standing in the midst of His gifts.
Don't forget to thank the Giver.
And then, when our prayers are answered and we are delivered from the storm, we look around and think -- wait, where is God? Is He still here?
This is what I've been experiencing lately. For so long, my life was endless panic. Waking up was hell, sleeping was hell, I felt friendless and alone. It was so easy to rely on God, because He was all I had.
And now that I am through the fire, that I have been delivered into this new life that is far more stable, I suddenly feel bereft. I no longer have that desperate need of God. When we suffer, we are so close to Him. We pray so sincerely. We look for Him so closely... and then, when He delivers us from that dark place and we are able to stand on our own, we suddenly feel like something is missing. As though His presence is gone from our lives.
But He is never gone.
My lesson for this week: that when your life seems to have reached a plateau, don't think that you are suddenly away from God. He is still all around you. In fact, everything around you is there with His blessing. You are standing in the midst of His gifts.
Don't forget to thank the Giver.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Your love created life.
What is a gift?
Your gift is everything.
* * *
I am a servant not because I am perfect. I am a servant because I truly care about the suffering of others -- because your suffering is God's suffering, and God's suffering is my suffering. Because God's love lives inside of us. Because we are temples. Shelters to one another. Walls. Palaces. Because we are the kingdom.
I don't care about simple terms like "religious" or "nonreligious." Those words mean nothing to me. I am concerned with kindness -- with love -- with the state of the heart. The state of the heart is the same as your relationship with God. It needs to be pure. Clear. Like water.
And yes, it has to be God. It is not enough to simply be good. You need to know why you are being good -- that you are striving toward something -- that there is a goal, a plateau, a deeper understanding of life.
There is a method to living. A method that will give you answers, that will let you see God. It is not a story, a fairytale, a metaphor -- something to be learned as children and then forgotten. There is Truth in the world. There is cohesion, synergism, totality. How do you find it? You follow Christ's path.
You follow it all the way.
Prostrate yourself. Die on a cross -- live every day, every thought, in sacrifice.
Forgetting yourself allows you to experience a higher reality, a higher sense of unity. Forgetting yourself allows you to see God. He is in everything. If only the world knew -- He is real, He is real -- I promise you -- it is All Real.
What is a gift?
Your gift is everything.
* * *
I am a servant not because I am perfect. I am a servant because I truly care about the suffering of others -- because your suffering is God's suffering, and God's suffering is my suffering. Because God's love lives inside of us. Because we are temples. Shelters to one another. Walls. Palaces. Because we are the kingdom.
I don't care about simple terms like "religious" or "nonreligious." Those words mean nothing to me. I am concerned with kindness -- with love -- with the state of the heart. The state of the heart is the same as your relationship with God. It needs to be pure. Clear. Like water.
And yes, it has to be God. It is not enough to simply be good. You need to know why you are being good -- that you are striving toward something -- that there is a goal, a plateau, a deeper understanding of life.
There is a method to living. A method that will give you answers, that will let you see God. It is not a story, a fairytale, a metaphor -- something to be learned as children and then forgotten. There is Truth in the world. There is cohesion, synergism, totality. How do you find it? You follow Christ's path.
You follow it all the way.
Prostrate yourself. Die on a cross -- live every day, every thought, in sacrifice.
Forgetting yourself allows you to experience a higher reality, a higher sense of unity. Forgetting yourself allows you to see God. He is in everything. If only the world knew -- He is real, He is real -- I promise you -- it is All Real.
Friday, February 3, 2012
I was asked the other day to list my answered prayers. It was an exercise of faith.
But honestly, it's hard to list the individual answered prayers. Looking back on my life, it feels like one answered prayer led to the next and to the next. Like everything has been a long chain of blessings. I think we need to have a certain amount of humility to realize that.
God's voice is Peace. God's presence is Love. My life is blessed and even when walking the darkest valleys, I have always seen that. How can I list one answered prayer when I see my entire life as an answered prayer?
When we know that God loves us unconditionally, we can accept that all things correspond to the good of the soul. It is God's plan that we become like Him. When we can accept that, we can forgive Him for our hardships and relish them instead, as they bring us closer to His kingdom, closer to the true nature of the heart.
Ask yourself -- what has made you more humble? What has made you more forgiving? What has taught you compassion? Surely, it has been loss after loss after loss. These are God's treasures -- these are God's blessings -- this is God's will.
But honestly, it's hard to list the individual answered prayers. Looking back on my life, it feels like one answered prayer led to the next and to the next. Like everything has been a long chain of blessings. I think we need to have a certain amount of humility to realize that.
God's voice is Peace. God's presence is Love. My life is blessed and even when walking the darkest valleys, I have always seen that. How can I list one answered prayer when I see my entire life as an answered prayer?
When we know that God loves us unconditionally, we can accept that all things correspond to the good of the soul. It is God's plan that we become like Him. When we can accept that, we can forgive Him for our hardships and relish them instead, as they bring us closer to His kingdom, closer to the true nature of the heart.
Ask yourself -- what has made you more humble? What has made you more forgiving? What has taught you compassion? Surely, it has been loss after loss after loss. These are God's treasures -- these are God's blessings -- this is God's will.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
What you must know... as a Christian, as anything, as a human being with faith....
Is that God is right here with you and always has been. You do not need to try so hard. In just the same way that we share our lives with the trees and the moss and the birds, so we share our life with God. That He is, above all things, a Companion.
That there are knots tied inside of you; knots against faith, knots against the freedom of seeing God. Acts you have committed; things your parents taught you, whether they were Christian or not; worldviews and experiences that have shaped you, prejudices, bad tastes in your mouth, things that make you balk and worry and doubt....
And God has given me deft hands to untie the knots. It is what we do -- as pastors, counselors, students of faith -- we untie knots. God brings those to me who I can untie. This does not mean that I must force you to think what I think or know what I know. It means that I must learn your doctrine; what you believe, and what keeps you from seeing God in your life. And by listening, I can minister; I can give you peace. It is not your place to listen to me, but my place to listen to you. By hearing you, I can heal you.
You see... God gave me peace so that I can give it to you. I am not so much someone who talks about faith, but someone who listens with faith. I am always, in each second of the day, in service to God. It is not my job, but my vocation. I take it everywhere with me; into all houses, all churches and temples, all gatherings and all silence. It is not done for recognition; it is just what I am. And yes, I make mistakes. There is no guide book, no instruction manual to become a servant of God; every situation is uniquely its own; every trial is walked blindly, with the heart as a shepherd.
I believe God brings us only the souls that we can heal... and each of us has a different talent, a different method, a different healing voice....
And I know when God brings someone into my life for this purpose... I know because I understand that my duty is to untie knots. It is a humble and thankless task, but we do not work for reward. Save them, God said. Not condemn them. Not enslave them. Not buy them. Save them.The Bible speaks of rewards in Heaven, but honestly, I know nothing of Heaven except for that which I have experienced in my own life, and it has brought so much peace, so much joy, so much courage and patience and happiness.... How could I not give it to you?
And so I say, do not worry or fear judgment, because at your judgment you will have allies, you will have mercy. I will vouch for you as my brother or sister. Do not worry about God's plan for you. Do not think about the end of the world nor the salvation of your family. Worry about your heart and your walk with God, here and now. And if those come to you looking for faith and for God, show them compassion, give them a listening ear, give them love... show them where God fits into their lives... and you will save more souls and become a far greater service to the world.
Is that God is right here with you and always has been. You do not need to try so hard. In just the same way that we share our lives with the trees and the moss and the birds, so we share our life with God. That He is, above all things, a Companion.
That there are knots tied inside of you; knots against faith, knots against the freedom of seeing God. Acts you have committed; things your parents taught you, whether they were Christian or not; worldviews and experiences that have shaped you, prejudices, bad tastes in your mouth, things that make you balk and worry and doubt....
And God has given me deft hands to untie the knots. It is what we do -- as pastors, counselors, students of faith -- we untie knots. God brings those to me who I can untie. This does not mean that I must force you to think what I think or know what I know. It means that I must learn your doctrine; what you believe, and what keeps you from seeing God in your life. And by listening, I can minister; I can give you peace. It is not your place to listen to me, but my place to listen to you. By hearing you, I can heal you.
You see... God gave me peace so that I can give it to you. I am not so much someone who talks about faith, but someone who listens with faith. I am always, in each second of the day, in service to God. It is not my job, but my vocation. I take it everywhere with me; into all houses, all churches and temples, all gatherings and all silence. It is not done for recognition; it is just what I am. And yes, I make mistakes. There is no guide book, no instruction manual to become a servant of God; every situation is uniquely its own; every trial is walked blindly, with the heart as a shepherd.
I believe God brings us only the souls that we can heal... and each of us has a different talent, a different method, a different healing voice....
And I know when God brings someone into my life for this purpose... I know because I understand that my duty is to untie knots. It is a humble and thankless task, but we do not work for reward. Save them, God said. Not condemn them. Not enslave them. Not buy them. Save them.The Bible speaks of rewards in Heaven, but honestly, I know nothing of Heaven except for that which I have experienced in my own life, and it has brought so much peace, so much joy, so much courage and patience and happiness.... How could I not give it to you?
And so I say, do not worry or fear judgment, because at your judgment you will have allies, you will have mercy. I will vouch for you as my brother or sister. Do not worry about God's plan for you. Do not think about the end of the world nor the salvation of your family. Worry about your heart and your walk with God, here and now. And if those come to you looking for faith and for God, show them compassion, give them a listening ear, give them love... show them where God fits into their lives... and you will save more souls and become a far greater service to the world.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
God has sent away my distractions. I need stillness, time to think, time to listen.
My job is ending. My writing degree is finished.
There is a crossroad here... and what is life?
Is life what I am expected to do? Is life responsible? Is life the most obvious choice?
Or is life to be governed by chances, by risks, by the improbable?
God has brought opportunity to me. So much opportunity! The difficulty is choosing which one to take. When you ask for something, expect your cup to spill over...
And what would Christ say? Follow me.
My job is ending. My writing degree is finished.
There is a crossroad here... and what is life?
Is life what I am expected to do? Is life responsible? Is life the most obvious choice?
Or is life to be governed by chances, by risks, by the improbable?
God has brought opportunity to me. So much opportunity! The difficulty is choosing which one to take. When you ask for something, expect your cup to spill over...
And what would Christ say? Follow me.
Monday, November 21, 2011
I really enjoy being patient. I like the calmness that comes over my heart. I like exercising a sense of peace.
It is healthy to nurture our ability to wait. Being able to wait for someone to understand, wait for a behavior to change, wait for good timing.
I like being patient because I feel like I am serving others. I suppose, in this way, patience is love. When I am tutoring a challenging student and I need to be extra patient, I find a great satisfaction in it, because I am doing it for someone else.
Maybe it is more difficult to be patient when we are selfish. How can we wait for others if we put ourselves first?
It is healthy to nurture our ability to wait. Being able to wait for someone to understand, wait for a behavior to change, wait for good timing.
I like being patient because I feel like I am serving others. I suppose, in this way, patience is love. When I am tutoring a challenging student and I need to be extra patient, I find a great satisfaction in it, because I am doing it for someone else.
Maybe it is more difficult to be patient when we are selfish. How can we wait for others if we put ourselves first?
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Giving Love vs Taking Love
And again, you have heard me, and answered.
Thank you, God, for watching out for my family.
A moment of truth: that I want to die for them, everyone. Does that make sense? That in the deepest core of my heart is this eager yearning to sacrifice, to place myself upon an altar. God, I want to give all of myself to you, to them. In some ways, I suppose I already have -- it was an even trade, was it not? My heart for Yours?
I am in love now, I suppose, with a man. We are together; he is a blessing, and people are not made to be alone. But even love distracts from this burning desire in my heart. It is not something that I could ever share, nor have I ever shared, with anyone else. It is my deepest secret, this yearning desire to sacrifice my life for the world. I've never been in this place before, where a relationship is a cold ember compared to the love between me and God. I do not need anyone, though I am happy to share my day with someone else. I am happier now, I feel the ability to move forward, even if I am a different person than I was before. I am still familiarizing myself with all of the changes, all of the ways I have grown, and the spikes and slivers where I am still the same. I am more of myself. I am a new self? I am no one.
With God, I am whole. I am empty, and I am whole. It becomes a duality, it blurs, it is one thing, wholeness and emptiness, like a cup full of light, weightless, filled to the brim. And in love now with a man, I can see the difference, I can recognize God's love as a giving love, a selfless love, unconditional. When we fall in love, infatuation, it is a taking love, a judging love, an evaluating, selfish thing. Love evolves, but this is how we begin, not knowing the difference between taking love and giving love. I see the challenge of marriage: to transform the selfish to the selfless; to understand ourselves and both separate and entwined. It is the journey of the heart; the evolution of the soul. God, you are brilliant. Through our need for one another, we come to know You, even if we do not realize Your work.
Thank you, God, for watching out for my family.
A moment of truth: that I want to die for them, everyone. Does that make sense? That in the deepest core of my heart is this eager yearning to sacrifice, to place myself upon an altar. God, I want to give all of myself to you, to them. In some ways, I suppose I already have -- it was an even trade, was it not? My heart for Yours?
I am in love now, I suppose, with a man. We are together; he is a blessing, and people are not made to be alone. But even love distracts from this burning desire in my heart. It is not something that I could ever share, nor have I ever shared, with anyone else. It is my deepest secret, this yearning desire to sacrifice my life for the world. I've never been in this place before, where a relationship is a cold ember compared to the love between me and God. I do not need anyone, though I am happy to share my day with someone else. I am happier now, I feel the ability to move forward, even if I am a different person than I was before. I am still familiarizing myself with all of the changes, all of the ways I have grown, and the spikes and slivers where I am still the same. I am more of myself. I am a new self? I am no one.
With God, I am whole. I am empty, and I am whole. It becomes a duality, it blurs, it is one thing, wholeness and emptiness, like a cup full of light, weightless, filled to the brim. And in love now with a man, I can see the difference, I can recognize God's love as a giving love, a selfless love, unconditional. When we fall in love, infatuation, it is a taking love, a judging love, an evaluating, selfish thing. Love evolves, but this is how we begin, not knowing the difference between taking love and giving love. I see the challenge of marriage: to transform the selfish to the selfless; to understand ourselves and both separate and entwined. It is the journey of the heart; the evolution of the soul. God, you are brilliant. Through our need for one another, we come to know You, even if we do not realize Your work.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Love Letters VI
And where are You, but in my very thoughts and mind?
You are my heart, when it is quiet in prayer.
You are the time I spend on the grass, sitting and watching all that moves around me; never a moment devoid of wonder, when one looks and sees the Spirit.
And in dreams, where I have seen Your art drawn for me, symbols on bleeding hands....
And waking, when I hear your voice the strongest, sweet in the morning, when all is placid as the unbroken surface of a lake... What is Your music, Lord? This endless sound, it is Your name, over and over in my heart, Your name....
And when we sit and write, we are never alone. When we speak and whisper, when I confide to you my dreams and hopes, and laugh, because you are the one who planted them, so of course you must know, but still I must confess, because the heart is treacherous steep....
But God, do I not already know? And though worldly things slip by me, cunning wisdom, sleek words and deft hands... do I not stand by the bed of a dying man, and feel his seconds draining, feel Your peace in the room, and know exactly where he goes? I am blind, but not to Your work, Lord.
And you whisper things, and I hear them.
You are my heart, when it is quiet in prayer.
You are the time I spend on the grass, sitting and watching all that moves around me; never a moment devoid of wonder, when one looks and sees the Spirit.
And in dreams, where I have seen Your art drawn for me, symbols on bleeding hands....
And waking, when I hear your voice the strongest, sweet in the morning, when all is placid as the unbroken surface of a lake... What is Your music, Lord? This endless sound, it is Your name, over and over in my heart, Your name....
And when we sit and write, we are never alone. When we speak and whisper, when I confide to you my dreams and hopes, and laugh, because you are the one who planted them, so of course you must know, but still I must confess, because the heart is treacherous steep....
But God, do I not already know? And though worldly things slip by me, cunning wisdom, sleek words and deft hands... do I not stand by the bed of a dying man, and feel his seconds draining, feel Your peace in the room, and know exactly where he goes? I am blind, but not to Your work, Lord.
And you whisper things, and I hear them.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Please God, I know your miracles, and I see your blessings in the lives of those I love, even those who remain distant from you.
Please God, hear my sincere prayers. Please God, save them, deliver them from their struggles. Let rain your blessings.
I do not believe there is punishment in the Kingdom of Heaven. No, there is only change, and change, though we do not always like it, is the greatest evidence of God's design.
God, please deliver those I love from the evil of their own imperfections. Please God, protect them from the sins of others, from selfish intentions and honest mistakes. Please God, forgive them on my grace, because they do not know you, and it is not their fault. Please God, be a Father to them as You are to me, because that is my humble request. Show them Your unconditional love. Save them.
Please God, hear my sincere prayers. Please God, save them, deliver them from their struggles. Let rain your blessings.
I do not believe there is punishment in the Kingdom of Heaven. No, there is only change, and change, though we do not always like it, is the greatest evidence of God's design.
God, please deliver those I love from the evil of their own imperfections. Please God, protect them from the sins of others, from selfish intentions and honest mistakes. Please God, forgive them on my grace, because they do not know you, and it is not their fault. Please God, be a Father to them as You are to me, because that is my humble request. Show them Your unconditional love. Save them.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
How to See God (cont.)
The reason why most people have difficulty seeing God is because they don't have the right perspective.
First -- if you are looking for God, do you really know what you are looking for?
Are you looking for a man? A woman?
Are you looking for love? For continuity? For a profound experience?
Are you looking for a sense of peace and stability in your life?
When you say "God," what do you really mean?
We talk about God all the time at Church and with other believers, but how often do we stop and really think about our perception of God? Is God a King to you? Is He a separate entity hovering somewhere in space or another dimension? Is He something abstract, a word, or a sense of meaning that you are lacking from your life? If you are looking for God, where are you looking, and what are you focusing on?
These are extremely important questions to consider if you are looking for God. Change what you are looking for, and you might just see it.
Here is a simple way to know God:
Pray.
And watch.
And keep your eyes open.
Remember: God is not something that you control. You cannot "force God to show Himself," as though you were herding a deer into an open meadow. God has His own timing and way of doing things. Do not look for an angel in the clouds or an unexplained envelope of money in your mailbox. God is right in front of you, but this is not how to see Him.
Instead, be patient. Pray, and watch for opportunity. Look for coincidence in the world around you. It is difficult for the mind to understand, but God is the world, God is your heart, and when you begin praying/communicating with God, you begin moving by His timing, then His blessings and bounty begin to fill your life by otherwise ordinary means. No, you will not receive an unexplained envelope of cash in your mailbox... but suddenly you might receive a raise at work. Stop looking for God in the clouds. We are already living inside of the miracle. Watch how it works around you.
Seeing God has nothing to do with where you look. It is the eyes you see with. God is all around you, all the time, but we do not see Him because we are not "wearing the right glasses." To see God, we must change our internal perspective. We must believe in Him and trust that, if we ask, He will make Himself known to us. And then, when coincidences begin to happen, we must not close our eyes. It can be terrifying at first, seeing God work in our lives. It is strange and exhilarating, suddenly feeling as though the world is moving to accommodate for us. But do not turn away. Eventually God will be more than coincidence, and you will know His Presence in everything, and then you will see God and Life for what it really is.
Friday, August 26, 2011
But the greatest of these is love....
"1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
I understand what Paul is saying when he speaks of love. My honest thoughts are that I have always understood the importance of love in faith, even though I am not perfect and I do not always act out of love. When I found God, it was Love that made itself known to me; pure and intense Love that cannot be fully described or understood. God has always made Himself known to me as Love, so when Paul talks about love, and about "knowing in part and knowing fully," I understand exactly what he means.
The love we experience within our families and in relationships is not the same Love that God is. They should really be two separate words. It is as Paul said... the love we have on earth is only "in part," it is incomplete, imperfect, soiled by selfishness and neediness, tainted by the fear of loss and our own insecurities. God's Love surpasses this so completely that it must be named something else. It is like comparing a lump of coal to a diamond, or a pine cone to a redwood tree. God's Love is perfect. God's Love is so complete that it created Life. God's Love created you.
And when we act and pray with God's Love in our hearts, miracles happen, because God's Love is Life.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Speaking and Listening
It's hard not to dwell on the things people say.
But the honest truth is that most people don't speak very carefully. We rarely consider how our words effect others. We rarely consider what our words say about ourselves.
No matter how confident a person seems, their opinion is still just an opinion. You don't have to listen. Just remember -- the voice a person uses to speak with is the same voice they have to live with in their own head. Highly critical people probably suffer from a feeling of personal failure or shortcoming, because their own internal voice won't allow them the sense of personal satisfaction. Likewise, those who speak encouragingly also think encouraging thoughts, and are probably much more forgiving of their own shortcomings.
Those with God in their hearts will speak encouragingly to you. They will consider how their words effect you. They will go beyond themselves to lift you up, to put the right message in your mind to allow you to succeed.
Those who try to tear you down are also tearing down themselves.
Don't dwell too long on the things people say. Instead, seek to develop a forgiving and encouraging inner voice. When your encouragement and forgiveness come from the inside, you stop looking for it from others, and you become that much stronger in faith and in personal character.
But the honest truth is that most people don't speak very carefully. We rarely consider how our words effect others. We rarely consider what our words say about ourselves.
No matter how confident a person seems, their opinion is still just an opinion. You don't have to listen. Just remember -- the voice a person uses to speak with is the same voice they have to live with in their own head. Highly critical people probably suffer from a feeling of personal failure or shortcoming, because their own internal voice won't allow them the sense of personal satisfaction. Likewise, those who speak encouragingly also think encouraging thoughts, and are probably much more forgiving of their own shortcomings.
Those with God in their hearts will speak encouragingly to you. They will consider how their words effect you. They will go beyond themselves to lift you up, to put the right message in your mind to allow you to succeed.
Those who try to tear you down are also tearing down themselves.
Don't dwell too long on the things people say. Instead, seek to develop a forgiving and encouraging inner voice. When your encouragement and forgiveness come from the inside, you stop looking for it from others, and you become that much stronger in faith and in personal character.
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