There is joy in submission. In fact, the only joy is submission.
True bliss is liberation from self.
You can't destroy your smaller self; you are not fighting a war with some internal apparition. That is for God to do. Life will remove it for you. It is a painful process until it is finished. You must submit to it. Your only duty is to follow where God takes you. Liberation is not a process that can be understood. Only God knows the path that will bring you to that moment... and then the path continues.
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What is difficult now will become easy.
What feels unnatural will become your nature.
What is impermanent will be stricken from you.
It is found in simplicity. It is found in humility. Once found, it is never lost.
It is not an idea. It is an experience. It is a part of yourself. Ultimately, it is ineffable.
Showing posts with label submission. Show all posts
Showing posts with label submission. Show all posts
Monday, July 4, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Christ....
It can only be the spirit of Christ who has kept me alive this past year.
So many times have dark thoughts passed through me... so many times I have doubted, tossed and turned, thrown God's gifts away and then driven back to recover what was lost.
I do not think anyone will truly understand what happened to me. Losing my father was not the death of a person. It was the death of myself, the death of an entire future that lived inside of me. Even now, my feet often trip over moments and minutes where I am once again lost and collapsing. Everything I ever thought of myself, everything I ever looked forward to, that I ever expected to have, was struck from me in one fell blow. The only thing that was not taken from me was God.
And now that the ocean is calming, that a new season is beginning, I can see exactly the barren landscape that I am leaving behind. I can see the winter that God turned into a garden; the dormant flowers that still found enough Light to bloom. I can see the hopeless, spiraling tunnels where I wandered indefinitely in search of what I had lost, knowing I would never find it again, not in this life and who knows what awaits in Heaven. I have been walking a hellscape with Christ at my side. How do I ever explain to an atheist what faith has done to me? It has built me anew. It has made me more of who I am, and more of what He is, and more of what God wants me to be.
And my longings, my desires, my painful and sacrificial love of God... it is Christ. It is Christ who loves me so much that He gave me some of His grace, some of His magnanimous spirit, to keep me alive. To keep me from descending into a realm where I might have been lost forever. That is where my desires arise from, my longing to serve, my need to submit to God. It does not come from myself. It comes from Christ, who has found space in my heart to live through me -- to save me.
I am finally beginning to understand that Christ never died. He is next to all of us, inside of us, living with us and suffering with us. Christ carried my cross for the past two years and I have been lifted by His unconquerable heart. I have done nothing but cry and complain. I am so weak, so far from what I want to be for God, and yet exactly what God has made. Any beauty that has come out of me these past two years -- beauty in verse, in life, in word and in love -- has come purely from the Spirit of my Lord and Father.
God, thank you for being my family. Thank you for giving me Your Son. Although the tides are changing, I pray only that I may continue to be your daughter, and that wherever these new fields take me, it will always be in greater service to Your Will.
So many times have dark thoughts passed through me... so many times I have doubted, tossed and turned, thrown God's gifts away and then driven back to recover what was lost.
I do not think anyone will truly understand what happened to me. Losing my father was not the death of a person. It was the death of myself, the death of an entire future that lived inside of me. Even now, my feet often trip over moments and minutes where I am once again lost and collapsing. Everything I ever thought of myself, everything I ever looked forward to, that I ever expected to have, was struck from me in one fell blow. The only thing that was not taken from me was God.
And now that the ocean is calming, that a new season is beginning, I can see exactly the barren landscape that I am leaving behind. I can see the winter that God turned into a garden; the dormant flowers that still found enough Light to bloom. I can see the hopeless, spiraling tunnels where I wandered indefinitely in search of what I had lost, knowing I would never find it again, not in this life and who knows what awaits in Heaven. I have been walking a hellscape with Christ at my side. How do I ever explain to an atheist what faith has done to me? It has built me anew. It has made me more of who I am, and more of what He is, and more of what God wants me to be.
And my longings, my desires, my painful and sacrificial love of God... it is Christ. It is Christ who loves me so much that He gave me some of His grace, some of His magnanimous spirit, to keep me alive. To keep me from descending into a realm where I might have been lost forever. That is where my desires arise from, my longing to serve, my need to submit to God. It does not come from myself. It comes from Christ, who has found space in my heart to live through me -- to save me.
I am finally beginning to understand that Christ never died. He is next to all of us, inside of us, living with us and suffering with us. Christ carried my cross for the past two years and I have been lifted by His unconquerable heart. I have done nothing but cry and complain. I am so weak, so far from what I want to be for God, and yet exactly what God has made. Any beauty that has come out of me these past two years -- beauty in verse, in life, in word and in love -- has come purely from the Spirit of my Lord and Father.
God, thank you for being my family. Thank you for giving me Your Son. Although the tides are changing, I pray only that I may continue to be your daughter, and that wherever these new fields take me, it will always be in greater service to Your Will.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thoughts on Patience
Patience is, of course, a virtue.
I have been dwelling upon it lately. What is patience, and how can patience show us God?
To know God, we give ourselves over to something greater. We ask to be saved, we take a "leap of faith," we plunge ourselves with total trust into the unknown. We trust something infinitely huge and powerful to catch us... and yet something that we cannot always see.
To have patience, we must give ourselves over to something greater. When we are tutoring a slow learner, or standing in line at the post office, or stuck in traffic... patience is a form of surrender. It is a sacrifice made to those hours when we are unable to be where we want to be, or do what we want to do. When we do not have control. Patience is, in this sense, generosity. Patience is momentary selflessness. Giving your time to something greater. Waiting is a spiritual art.
Patience is also peace. It is the ability to be in the moment we are in, to accept where we are and lay to rest our desires, our worries, etc. Peace, also, is surrender. Peace is sacrifice.
And for those who serve God, we are asked for endless patience... patience with a world that perhaps does not understand our vocation at all. Patience with a world that demands when, and what do you want, and how are you going to get there? The world does not always understand a person who wants nothing for himself. The world does not always understand why we wait, why we are content to act beyond ourselves, to give five minutes more of our time, to wait in line with just enough grace to smile. God asks us to be patient. God tells us that perhaps, when we are patient, we stand that much closer to Him.
I have been dwelling upon it lately. What is patience, and how can patience show us God?
To know God, we give ourselves over to something greater. We ask to be saved, we take a "leap of faith," we plunge ourselves with total trust into the unknown. We trust something infinitely huge and powerful to catch us... and yet something that we cannot always see.
To have patience, we must give ourselves over to something greater. When we are tutoring a slow learner, or standing in line at the post office, or stuck in traffic... patience is a form of surrender. It is a sacrifice made to those hours when we are unable to be where we want to be, or do what we want to do. When we do not have control. Patience is, in this sense, generosity. Patience is momentary selflessness. Giving your time to something greater. Waiting is a spiritual art.
Patience is also peace. It is the ability to be in the moment we are in, to accept where we are and lay to rest our desires, our worries, etc. Peace, also, is surrender. Peace is sacrifice.
And for those who serve God, we are asked for endless patience... patience with a world that perhaps does not understand our vocation at all. Patience with a world that demands when, and what do you want, and how are you going to get there? The world does not always understand a person who wants nothing for himself. The world does not always understand why we wait, why we are content to act beyond ourselves, to give five minutes more of our time, to wait in line with just enough grace to smile. God asks us to be patient. God tells us that perhaps, when we are patient, we stand that much closer to Him.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Submission
Yes, life is predestined.
Yes, all things are known and planned by God.
I think it's a hard mindset for us to accept. I think it takes a true life of trial and submission to really see what God is. But when we take for granted that everything is preplanned, that all things are decided, we begin to see God's presence in everything. We begin to see a logical sequence in our lives.
To say that all things are not predestined is to lessen God's authority in our lives. We must live by faith alone; faith in our path and faith in our Father. It's a joke to think that we're allowed to "create" ourselves. We are partners with God, or we are nothing. Our own desires have little to do with who we are or the lives we live. Those who walk a spiritual path have few desires; that is why we are so overjoyed with our lives. All we desire is what God desires for us.
If you wish to know God, submit to it. Submission and sacrifice are the only way.
Yes, all things are known and planned by God.
I think it's a hard mindset for us to accept. I think it takes a true life of trial and submission to really see what God is. But when we take for granted that everything is preplanned, that all things are decided, we begin to see God's presence in everything. We begin to see a logical sequence in our lives.
To say that all things are not predestined is to lessen God's authority in our lives. We must live by faith alone; faith in our path and faith in our Father. It's a joke to think that we're allowed to "create" ourselves. We are partners with God, or we are nothing. Our own desires have little to do with who we are or the lives we live. Those who walk a spiritual path have few desires; that is why we are so overjoyed with our lives. All we desire is what God desires for us.
If you wish to know God, submit to it. Submission and sacrifice are the only way.
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