I am reading St. Teresa of Avila's "Ways of Perfection."
I came across a passage about what to do if we are "wronged" by others. St. Teresa (paraphrasing) says we should not complain about being wronged. We shouldn't worry if we "deserve" to be wronged by a friend or family... It's not a matter of "deserving" at all. Such contemplation is meaningless.
Consider the persecution of Jesus as an example. His crucifixion was not warranted, it was not "right" and he was not "deserving" of it, and yet it happened. This is the way of the world. People will wrong you. It's pointless to bemoan whether it was right of them, or if you deserved it. You will be wronged no matter what, no matter how hard you try, no matter how blameless you are.
So, instead of phrasing it as "My friend wronged me," rephrase it as, "My friend committed a wrong." Because, really, we should take ourselves out of the equation. We suffer because we are alive. People commit wrongs because people aren't perfect. It's not personal. It's just life.
In reflection, I realize that I have subconsciously been holding on to the ways people have wronged me over my 20's. I didn't mean to, and moving from LA to Washington was an attempt to detach myself from those past injuries. But the injury still remains buried in my psyche, and I need to detach from it. I will pray for God's healing of these wounds.
Perhaps their wrongs seem even bigger to me, because of the intense vulnerability of my orphanhood, and the inconsistent support I received from friends and family. But, in the end, St. Teresa is correct. I can't allow myself to bemoan the suffering I endured at the carelessness of others. And I can't let it be a cause for my own self doubt, an endless searching for some fatal flaw inside of me that attracts abuse into my life. This is life. People commit wrongs. If they didn't, we would already be in Heaven.
It is a better use of my time and energy to be grateful for the peace and stability I currently have in my life.
I hear a great wise voice well up inside of me and say: Someday, you will look back on this place as the happiest you have ever been--so be that. Appreciate this lull, this period of peace, tranquility, security, and effortless growth. Appreciate this time with gratitude. Give thanks to God. Try as much as you can to heal fully before your next trial, for certainly it shall come, and not as you expect.
Try very hard to learn, to grow, and to trust God, and forgive all of those friends or family who committed wrongs against you in the past. For by their own blindness do they cause suffering.
Do your best to weather through this life, clinging fast to your faith and integrity of character as a shield. Keep your honesty and goodness as a blade against their unknowing, careless onslaught. For at times, if it feels like you run through life like a soldier through a battlefield, fending off all manner of sufferings and pitfalls and pain to remain true to your spiritual path, this is the Way. This life is a battleground and a trial of faith, not designed for the benefit of the blind, but for the creation of warriors, of admirals and generals in His army, to fend off the onslaught of darkness.
You will be burned. At times it feels like we can't be sure which is more a blessing--to receive his Perfect Love and Knowledge, or to remain in blind ignorance. But I promise you now, it is far better if we live keeping our eyes upon that Reality of Love, that Higher Self, instead of the flimsy ponderings of everyday problems. It is better not to be blind, but to walk in Knowledge, even if at times it seems to add to our suffering, for our burdens are greater and yet weightless by this understanding.
Do not seek suffering in your thoughts for surely, it will find you.
There are two kinds of spiritual growth: trial and reflection.
Trial, in which we face down obstacles in our lives by relying on spiritual truths we've been taught, which brands knowledge it into our bones, forging strength of character, tenacity, and boldness. This is how the soul gains power. Power, in the spiritual realm, is measured in humility and compassion, which is the inevitable outcome of a successful trial. This is spiritual power because through our humility do we manifest God's will, and through our growing compassion do we desire to serve.
Inevitably, during this hammering, there are flaws and scars to our new build. So after a great trial, a period of peace and reflection occurs, which is fine-grained sandpaper to our spirits, brushing off the flaws, and an oilcloth to polish what has been forged in fire. This is how the soul gains wisdom.
Both of these, trial and reflection, are needed to perfect the soul.
