I was in line at WinCo speaking to one of the checkout clerks. She was a handsome woman in her forties or fifties. Age can be so difficult to discern.
She told me, "I grew up in Missouri. I like to call it Misery."
It made me reflect on my time spent in Los Angeles. It makes me think that everyone has that Misery place. I know mine was definitely LA. Healing often requires us to leave behind the place of Misery to a place of newness, where we can set down new roots and begin fashioning a new life for ourselves. This is what brings immigrants to America. This is what makes children leave home. We want to leave behind our suffering. We all want to find a life that makes us feel balanced and whole.
But leaving behind a place of Misery is only half of the work. The old adage is true: "Wherever you go, there you are."
After leaving behind the place of Misery, we still carry it inside of us. We must allow time for that Misery in our hearts to heal. It has taken me 2 years to feel at home in the Pacific Northwest, and that did not happen by staying isolated and alone.
I had to challenge myself to make connections. I made a personal decision to avoid groups of people who reminded me of the friends and family I'd left behind in LA. But I also went outside of my comfort zone. I joined groups and activities to meet people with similar interests. I tried different temples and churches to find a spiritual home. I tried to make every decision from the sincerity of my heart.
I pursued jobs in fields that I loved as a child. Not for money or prestige. But for joy.
I sought out family ties that were loving and accepting of me; bonds that made me grow stronger in myself, not insecure. Real love makes us strong, independent, and kind. We know it intuitively, because we grow from it. Real love allows us to grow.
False love, ego-love, small love, selfish love--we know that kind of love intuitively too, because it makes us feel smaller; it makes us doubt ourselves and secretly hate ourselves; it makes the ground beneath us feel unsteady, and the future seem uncertain. You can't change or heal your family when they are only capable of small love. You have to let go of them to a degree, and pray for them, and allow Life and God to heal them. You deserve wholeness in your life.
We all have a place of Misery. Part of our spiritual growth is leaving behind that Misery place and taking a risk to become more. To live better. I encourage it. In some situations, I think it is the only way to heal: to leave the past behind--physically, leave it behind.
"Re-examine all you have been told...dismiss that which insults your soul."
~Walt Whitman
