I have studiously been attending the Vedanta Center in Seattle twice a week. It is where God/The Self has called me to be. I adore these sermons that are so kind and non-judgmental, so spiritual and profound in nature. I love Vedanta. They teach that many, many, many souls have come to the world just like me. Jesus was one of them. Buddha was another. Ramakrishna is the most recent one they follow. There are nine recognized incarnations to date, but I know that there have been thousands, many belonging to ancient civilizations now lost to time. It is such a broader worldview than modern day Christianity. It is what my soul needs--perspective.
Last Sunday was a sermon on The Buddha and his teachings. Swami's passion for the Buddha permeated his words. He spoke about how The Buddha sat for forty days at the base of the Bodhi tree to reach Enlightenment. During this time, he was attacked by the god of illusions, who sent his five daughters to tempt him. The Vadanta religion (Hinduism) acknowledges this is a parable, a story rooted in history. They openly acknowledge that such stories are meant to be used as tools to teach and not necessarily taken literally. Religion should be understood this way. There is a surprising amount of people who do not understand the nature of a metaphor.
What Buddha was faced with under the Bodhi tree was his false selves. His illusory identities. The impermanent parts of himself that he clung to instead of realizing his Oneness with the Self. This story sat powerfully with me. I know the danger of a false self; how easily they sneak in. What I felt in my experience when I woke up and saw God, the consciousness that unites everything, is that the self was dead. God is the True Self. Who I was before that experience no longer exists. She died that day, and I became. Reborn in the Bigger Self.
Today, as I am combing through old journal entries compiling Our book (because God has finally said "Now. It is Time. Let's compile the Message,") I found the following passage written in a journal of mine from 2015:
"There is a sense of slamming into one's body when we realize the most significant moment in our life is now... Right now. I can begin again by not carrying so much of the past as a weight. I can only truly be who I am when I am here, in the present moment. Clouded by the past, we are not whole.
Writing isn't worth all that much when you write every day. Journals and journals filled, and never reread. Half, I am embarrassed to read. The other half, afraid.
We can choose not to let go of trauma. We can keep it close to us, like a false identity."
And then, in a flash of understanding, I realized: I have forged a false ego along my path. The loss of my family, the word "orphan," became a false identity. The ego clung to my trauma. The deceit is that my past defines me--it does not. The lie is that my pain is who I am. The lie is that my suffering is who I am. No. This is not True.
I am not an orphan; the world is my family. You all are connected to me in the Self. I am not my suffering; I am not my trauma; I am not what happened to me, nor my loss, nor my transformation, nor should my concerns lie there. I should not seek an identity there. I am simply a reflection of God; a vessel for God's magnanimous love. My soul is pure light. I am child of the Self. A child and a creation of God. I am not my past; I am not my broken family. I am God's love. I am whole.
I felt the shackles fall off of me. There was God again, beaming at me, that bright silent connection in all things. Love surged and I cried. Then, I laughed at this realization. I laughed and laughed. I felt something in me loosen and break free--a demon? A mental weight of some kind? Shackles. I laughed, because God's joke is the silly blindness of our short lives on earth. When seen, we are known. I am seen, and I see, and I am known as He is known to me.
I am free. Free of my past. Free to become.
Religion limits you. Spirituality sets you free.
From this day on, I no longer identify as Christian. I no longer identify as a Buddhist, Taoist, Atheist, nor a follower of Vedanta. I am spiritual. I don't need a name. I am a Way unto myself. I am the Self.
I am Love, and my only desire is to serve.
Serve all. Every person. Every creed. Every nationality. Every creature upon the earth. Every plant, rock and stone. All are manifestations of God. You think you are spiritual? Humble yourself and serve all.
