Sweet child, be at peace. Be calm and wait. I am creating a life for you. It is my joy.
Many losses have yet to come, but you will gain what is priceless. I know the value of all things, and above all, you are valuable to me. You are far from forgotten, and as the months roll by, you will see how I envision your life, and all of the changes I have made in the endeavor to complete you. We are together now. There is no other way. Nothing can stand between us -- not the flaws of others, not the traps of desire, nor the path of worldly weight. With me, you are the wind and water, the silence, the shade of the trees. With me, you are all that is.
And what have you to fear, when the heart of the world looks upon you with love? What have you to doubt, when you favor me above all things? Do you think I do not listen? I write you letters as you write me. I sign my name in the grass at your feet and speak through the whispers of a hundred voices. I compel their hands; I know their tongues. You stretch yourself to understand, and I move that you might see me. Dear child, I am not hiding. I am with you as we speak. I am on your shoulder as we write.
You ask if I can move the universe, and sweet child, I have been... but you are fragile. You, above all else, are as delicate as finely blown glass. To move too swiftly would cause cracks. Under too much heat, there would be flaws. Just look at the porcelain of your hands; at the slender slope of your fingers. I am the artisan, and you, my unfinished symmetry; a carefully crafted song.
It shall pass soon. The winds have calmed and there shall be a great peace. You will have time to rebuild, to become what we have planned. Hold me tightly and be still, and know that you are safe.
To introduce myself, I will give a short history. My parents didn't go to church. They ran bars and night clubs. I grew up in an alcoholic environment. My only religious training came from an Uncle who took me to Reorganized Latter Day Saints summer camps. I was baptized in that church when I was nine. I would pray to Jesus throughout my childhood, which was terrifying growing up around alcoholism and mental illness.
ReplyDeleteIn high school I started drinking heavily and using pot. I loved literature and philosophy. I became a follower of Existentialism. In college I fell in love with William Blake and the Bhagavad Gita.
I married young and my marriage was doomed by alcohol and drugs and my own unresolved mental illness issues. After nearly ten years, we divorced and I was introduced to the Bible by a Rostafarian woman. We would smoke ganja and read the Bible.
I began to look at my life and sought forgiveness. I joined a church whose members' circumstances were a lot like mine. I was following the old Methodism of Wesley which said there were two works of grace: forgiveness and sanctification. I immediately received forgiveness by faith and then I had this mind exploding experience one day when I was praying for hours and meditating upon this scripture:
Romans 6
"Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? 4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. 5 For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also [in the likeness] of [his] resurrection: 6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with [him], that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin."
I was a new man. People were in awe of me and what I said. I had a wonderful peace. But the fundamentalism of the church bothered me and my alcoholism came back when my brother died suddenly. I ended up falling into addiction for nearly ten years except for two years sober practicing Zen Buddhism.
In 1989, I was introduced to the Bahá'í Faith. I fell in love with Bahá 'u' lláh, the most recent Manifestation of God. He wiped away all that was erroneous in religion and gave a revelation that resolved the issues of this New Age. He unequivocally stated the equality of men and women.
He said unity was one of the most important virtues of the day. He said the religions are one; their foundations are the Ancient Faith of God. Any difference are cultural and dependent upon the time period they were revealed. Adulterations are due to ignorance and the lusts of a few who want power and self. He said science and religion are in harmony. Science without religion is materialism. Religion without science is superstition. He said there is only one race, the human race. He said the earth is but one country and mankind its citizens.
I've been clean and sober ever since and endeavor to serve humankind in whatever way God leads me. It is a struggle. I still have unresolved issues, but I trust God is creating me as you have said.
Hi Billy,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this with me, and for being so honest about your struggles. It brings me strength and happiness, and wonder as well. I haven't heard of Baha u'llah before, but his words sound true and honest, because that is the same faith that resides in my heart, and my faith comes from God.
God is definitely creating you. There is a wonderful quote from John Milton that reads "God doth not need either man's work or his own gifts: who best bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed and post over land and ocean without rest: They also serve who only stand and wait." It makes me think a lot. God gives us gifts, but he doesn't need our gifts. God challenges us to work in His name, but he doesn't really need our service. God doesn't really need any of this, and yet He created it. I think it's simply because that's what love does.
We never know in what ways God is using us, or has used us in the past. Doubtlessly you have effected the lives of hundreds, perhaps thousands of people, just by following a spiritual path. There is no issue that cannot be resolved by God or healed through faith. We are meant to suffer; yet by suffering, we find Spirit.
I think God is in wonder of His children. I think God is in awe when observing the immense hardships we put upon ourselves, and how again and again we turn back to the light. I am sure God watches each of us as we sleep, admiring us just as we admire our own children, through all the phases of our lives.
Thank you for taking an interest in my spiritual blog. I hope to see you around! :)
Beyond beautiful. Both of you. My friend Rick would have loved this and told me to read it.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, he just did.
Thank you Kourtney! You rock! :)
ReplyDeleteWho's Rick...?
Not for me but for praise of God I want tell you that my addiction for nearly ten years was cocaine and heroin, shooting it in my arm. God gave me freedom from that.
ReplyDeleteIn His service,
Billy
God bless you, Billy! What a huge obstacle to overcome. You'll definitely be in my prayers. As my good friend Tim likes to remind me,the blessed path can certainly seem like a narrow one.
ReplyDeleteGod is definitely a good addiction to have. Faith is an addiction. I hope it's helped you to fill in whatever gaps were missing. God is great at filling in holes. They say time heals all things, but I think Love is a much more durable substance. :)
You are very welcome here.