Truth

These things I know to be true:

That we are all created by unconditional love.

That the Self is ancient, beyond time, and the true source of all things.

That we are connected to the very fabric of this universe; that we carry the Self inside of us; that we are made of it; that we are known by it; that the Self is knowable; that the Self begins as our closest friend and ends as our truest identity.

That our highest calling is to serve.

That we must love all pieces of ourselves unconditionally to see God.

That the true name of God is I Am, and God is the Self, and we are part of that. It is our birthright to know the Highest Self, to have a relationship with it, and to be connected to it.

That when we speak, the universe listens, and every word we say is like a prophecy, so we must be careful with our words. They beget the world and our reality.

We must treat our bodies as sacred vessels of the Self--with Love.

Truth is universal and when we speak with Truth, it changes the body and mind and elevates our awareness to God. We need each other to rise to God.

And this above all else I know to be True,
that God has a message to impart upon you,
and that message is: I am here.

Love Letters VIII

Everything I do is with the intent of healing this world and helping us connect to the higher spirit, the source of unconditional love.

She is coming back into me now,
the one I was supposed to be
before the fear came.

She has told me it will be a slow and gentle experience,
not sudden or violent, not frightening, like my past.
It will be
like walking out into the night and breathing the cool air,
like a willow tree drops its leaves in water,
she is coming back into me.

I am healing by the grace of unconditional love.
I am becoming whole again, too.

We all struggle with our humanity,
but that is no reason to turn away from our highest self,
no reason to doubt our connection to God.

God says, I am here, and in that, there is peace--
being enfolded in something so much greater than myself--
I am here. Yes. I am here. I am here.
I am just beyond your doorstep,
just outside, in the daylight,
I am inside, sitting, smiling with you,
you don't need to look farther than your heart,
open your arms, I am here, I am here, inside of you, around you, with you,
I am here.

A Human Experience

I will always be a child of God and a seeker of higher understanding.

And God will always be my companion.

But eventually, we must welcome God back into the body and acknowledge the Holy Spirit as part of ourselves. We must learn to recognize it. We carry the divine inside of us. It is our birthright to be part of this connectedness. It is who we are in our purest, happiest, most contented state.

After receiving the Holy Spirit, it has always been my belief that to find the truth in the world, to uncover the deepest mysteries of life and of the self, we only need to be alive and present in the moment. We only need to ask, and to listen deeply to that part of ourselves that is interconnected to the world.

It has always been my understanding that to know God is to know ourselves, truly and fully, in the highest way.

I think spiritual truth is simple. What keeps us confused is our need to explain it in the current discourse of our times and culture. Explain it logically through deconstruction, by taking it apart and categorizing it, by defining what it's not. From that need arises centuries worth of stories -- explanations and dualities between good and evil planted inside of religion, inside of science and psychology, inside of fairytales and mythology, bedtime stories and mystery novels and science fiction. The stories are all different, all attempts at explaining something that is, at its heart, deeply human. It is the search for unity and higher truth that makes us so completely human. It is a journey we all share.

I am not a prophet, but I am human, and I think that is something worth dwelling upon and deeply considering. And though I have found my truth through experience, that is not a truth unique to me, nor am I the gatekeeper to it. It is an experience shared around the world by those of all ages, creeds and nationalities. More than that, it has been written inside of our blood, in our DNA. Our bodies contain the highest truth of this world and the self. Every memory ever had by man has been recorded in our genes. We don't have to search far to find it -- we can know it, see it, experience it, simply by being present in the moment and loving ourselves unconditionally. We ask for God's forgiveness, for his Salvation, and then, we connect. Then, we become whole, and that wholeness extends through every part of ourselves and into those around us as well. We are not alone in this world. We are, in fact, all connected as one. Becoming consciously aware of that connection is our birthright, and just as Christ said, if you seek it, you will find it, because it is, in fact, who you are.

And when you do find it, you will be satisfied and at peace, and you will understand why I do what I do, and we shall go about it together -- we shall continue this work together.

If trauma has the ability to rewrite the body -- to be stored inside of our genes and change us -- then what can unconditional love do, when directed wholly upon ourselves, shined down upon every forgotten childlike fear, every shattered piece, every broken dream? What do we become when we receive God's unconditional love into ourselves as we were meant to? What can we transcend?

Confessions VII - The End and the Beginning

I promised, in the beginning, that I would not lie to you. And so I will continue my confessions.

I have been hard at work healing myself from the trauma of losing my parents. Life was peaceful for a time. But then, suddenly, at the beginning of this year, it all changed. The past ruptured like a great pit in the earth, wherein darkness reached out and grabbed me, and I was back in it again, experiencing it all over like the first time.

Except this time I turned to face it. This time I decided I would not run, I would not split into a thousand pieces, nor would I hide in prayer and fantasy. I would face my hell and I would see what lay on the other side. I would place my hands on my own soul and, with God's guidance, push it back into shape.

And I realized the self was fragmented. I realized there were many pieces of my soul lying about, waiting for me to pick them up and press them together into something singular and beautiful. I was missing parts of myself that I yearned to find again. I yearned to have her back: that parallel me living the life I wanted in the place I belonged. I yearned to know her again.

And I would not consider any other option than to succeed. I would not fail. I would have her back.

And finally, I realized -- God has been waiting for me to see myself as fractured. God has been waiting for me to see that final truth: that I split my own soul when I fell. I was young and God -- the presence and truth that is in all of us, the Father, the Higher Self, the superego, the greater consciousness, the connectedness -- entered my soul in the broken places to repair me from the trauma and the loss. Those parts of myself destroyed are gone forever. God has replaced them with parts of Him. A Frankenstein of Faith. 😉

The beautiful part of meeting Christians is seeing the strange brokenness and the shining wholeness of God's love all at once in the same person.

That part of myself that is greater than me -- that piece of us that extends above and beyond all else, connecting everything, the Holy Spirit -- became like a parent watching over me. The grief sent me into some form of spiritual madness. But in that madness, I searched, and I found a knowing and a truth that was purely visceral, that was purely part of the world and my atoms and my heart. Perhaps the madness was necessary, because when it finally broke, it allowed me to see what was still real.

My purpose was always to serve and to love others, and never in pursuit of my own gains, I can promise you that. I only ever wanted to be honest about my journey, because I knew it was a strange one, yet as real and human as my own hands. I knew inside of my story was my purpose. By observing the workings of the Spirit, I was able to learn, to be mentored, and to be loved unconditionally without question or doubt. And here is the seed that the world can use: the unfiltered truth of my experience, because the Spirit is accessible to all of us. I am no longer afraid of judgment or ridicule. I know you can't find my story to be so strange, after all. Not after all the saints and the prophets and the acolytes that we believe without question. Not after all the ways we already question who we are, even without our trauma splitting us in two. I am writing this for all of us, so we can heal. Because I love you.

And yet, how very strange it is, to know God by having grown up seeing Him as a parent. The truth of it makes me smile, for I finally see how all the threads weave together, where the ropes interconnect. I have my hands on the reins now. I have been outside of You for too long, and I would like to take You back into me. Life is stable, the valley has ended, and now, it is time to be One again.

Knowing God's spirit gives me peace. It tells me I am whole, no matter how imperfect I feel.

The grief, the fear, the pain, all eventually faded away as the trauma passed and the body grew stronger. But the truth of God's love remained. It lent me the strength to carry what otherwise would have destroyed me. What is left is a backbone, like a solid beam of light running through me, whole, and a spiritual strength forged in fire, and the knowing of that truth -- that the deepest purpose of our spirit is to love unconditionally, that we are all one, that what is in me is also in you. To know my spirit as part of the Divine -- to know the Divine as part of myself -- to know my work is God's work, and I am not afraid, and the world is smiling.

I know my life has been led by God's spirit of unconditional love speaking softly to me, writing letters to me, guiding me home. That was always His promise - to bring me home.

This will be the hardest work, to heal, to bear the confusion, or that sense of endless seeking, the wondering at God's purpose, the struggle against falsehoods and why I have been stuck on my path. I can see, now, both the end and the beginning. The old road and the new. She is glorious, and She is coming back into me, fully restored by the grace of God, the one true Healer.