God, much is changing, and much has changed.

I am concerned about my friends, about those who you have placed in my path. I cannot help but include myself in their trials -- isn't this love? And yet, I do not understand what you make some lives to be. I do not understand the design. It is like staring at a picture, with large spaces and gaps between the paint, attempting to recognize an alien landscape. The spiritual eye is, at times, color blind. I cannot see all of your colors, God -- how can I possibly understand the trials you lay on the ones I love?

And yet my heart, too, is in the mix. Why do you bring me to them, if I cannot help them? I cannot fix the situations they have brought upon themselves, and yet I pray and pray, and lose sleep, and worry until my heart strains and I cannot bear it anymore. Give their trials to me, Lord, and let them walk free. Give me their burdens, because I can suffer for you and retain your love, and they do not have your strength. Please, God, give them mercy. They do not know you... but perhaps, through my love of you, they can see a little of what you are.