"Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love." 1 John 4:18
This passage from John has jumped out at me several times this week, so I figured I would write a few thoughts about it. I like this commentary by the Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible:
"Fear has no place in love. Bold confidence (1Jo 4:17), based on love, cannot coexist with fear. Love, which, when perfected, gives bold confidence, casts out fear (compare Heb 2:14, 15). The design of Christ's propitiatory death was to deliver from this bondage of fear."
I do feel that since losing my parents and having to rely solely on God to bring blessings and opportunity to my life, that I have found within myself a bold confidence. A certain fearlessness... one might go so far as to call it recklessness... when it comes to taking worldly action. I am not afraid to rely on faith, or to speak out about God. I am not afraid to take chances, to face the unknown, to tread in that horrible borderland where we feel internally and externally out of control, out of place. I know that where I go, faith goes with me, and it's not something that will ever be lost.
I am not immune to all fear, though... for instance, allowing myself to be vulnerable in friendships and relationships is very difficult, and I am, of course, afraid of the pain of a broken heart.... I am afraid of losing people... not to death, but to life; people who come into my life who give me strength, and who then leave, continuing in whatever direction life takes them. It is a terrifying process, learning to stand on our own, with only our hearts as a guide. I am not there yet. But God's faith is a solid foundation and, stone by stone, I am getting stronger. His perfect love is what builds us.
But I wonder, sometimes, if we are ever truly meant to stand alone.... We are made to need each other, to need God. But to what extent? Is that my spiritual goal -- to be strong and whole, but only when I am alone? To be honest, it does not seem like much of a challenge. I think it is easy for us to feel whole when there is no one around to remind us of our shortcomings, our vulnerabilities and insecurities. But that is not true wholeness, something that hides behind walls like a wounded animal.
No, the wholeness I seek is one that includes others. One that will allow me to overcome my insecurities and anti-social tendencies and embrace people for all of their faults and imperfections. I want God's wholeness, God's perfect love, God's patience and acceptance of all things. I want bold confidence in all things, so that I might be a more loving and generous person. How can I share God's love if I am afraid to share myself openly with others? Where do we draw the line between protecting our hearts and offering our hearts as tools of salvation? It is something that time will have to teach me....
I will finish with this thought from St. Augustine:
"As in sewing, we see the thread passed through by the needle. The needle is first pushed in, but the thread cannot be introduced until the needle is brought out. So fear first occupies the mind, but does not remain permanently, because it entered for the purpose of introducing love."
