And it all sneaks in again.
No matter how confident we grow in our faith, circumstances arise and the path fades, like a forest trail smothered in leaves. Do I still walk with God? Is he still present in my life? Or was all of that a dream, some marvelous possession of the Spirit, come and gone?
I do feel separated from God. I do not know why. This is my confession: that I am terrified of wandering. That I fear I have strayed. That perhaps my life makes even less sense now than it did two years ago. I thought things would become clearer, but I have crossed no finish line, reached no plateau, completed no task.
Are God's tasks ever complete?
I still await a change, a meteor from the sky or an earthquake, something to turn the world upside down. It happened once, and I keep thinking it will happen again. But perhaps God intends this current peace in my life, this period of immobility, paralyzed yet secure.
His thoughts still visit in my dreams. I know He is real. I still see it in the world. But where is He in my life? Where is His work?
God, I pray that you show me my divine purpose, and lead me back to that path.
