Saturday, December 21, 2013

On the brink of a New Year....

And always, I forget.

So close they come, and yet they still don't know.

A dear friend said to me, "That is why those who know the divine spirit are always smiling. They know something you don't know. That's why they're always laughing. They know the divine joke of life."

And I wanted to explain myself so badly in that moment. I wanted to say everything, but I couldn't. And so they indirectly ask me--why am I always smiling? Why am I always laughing? They ask in the late night, after a Christmas party, as I'm dropping them off at the curb. They ask me, but I cannot answer.

Because those who know the divine secret know the joke of life....We know the peace and joy of God. We have made peace. We know the great presence of the spirit in the world around us.

And that secret, you know...that secret stays between me and god....

It is like they almost see it. They see a shadow in the corner of their eye. Almost, when they look at me....

But if I told them the truth, why would they believe me? Would telling my story change them? Would explaining my beliefs make faith any more accessible?

And then I realize--that is why. That is why all the great teachers are so difficult to quote. That is why they contradict themselves. Because the story changes. Because we are preachers, not mathemeticians. Everyone is in a different place, starting from a unique point toward that same, central whole. Everyone knows God differently, and so the story must change, to reach each individual soul.

And so my message changes, depending on the listener.

And so my wisdom, at times, is hidden, because I know a listener is not ready.

And so I hold my tongue, because people need to be free to speak of their souls, to rejoice in their own spiritual self. By asserting my theology, I am stifling them. People need to know it's safe. No, it is not a weak or shameful thing to reach for God. It is, in fact, the most important stretch of your life. Reach, in those early stages. Just reach.

And then I realize, I am in service, no matter my doctrine. I draw those listeners into a delicate web. I am listening with my heart, trying to mentor, trying to love, trying to say the right words that will uplift the soul to God, not tear it down.

A single perfect word can awaken the soul.

And who cares of the right way? The first step is what they need. There are so many paths available. They need that one step, that nudge in the right direction.