Oh believe me, I would grab onto worldly love if I could get my hands on it....
If I could find myself a partner, a mate, a man I could love that somehow echoed the love of the Father, then maybe I wouldn't strive so hard after my own faith. But honestly, when I think of God's purpose for my life and what kind of partner would fit into that picture, I figure it is only someone that God can bring me.
Love is a wonderful distraction. As women, I think we tend to pour all of ourselves into it; culturally, it's what we've been conditioned to do our entire lives. But a large part of these past few years of growth has been the realization of that cultural myth; maybe getting married and having tons of kids isn't what God has planned. Maybe it has nothing to do with it. Maybe there is a reason why so many people like Mother Teresa served God without having a partner in their lives. Am I ready to sacrifice a future family to be a part of God's family?
When thinking these things, I stop to check myself. I don't know anything about the future, and it's senseless to entertain dark thoughts. If I am sacrificing anything for God, it is my whole self, and God will take me exactly to what my heart desires... and what my true heart desires is not worldly love. That is what my "heart of the moment" desires. What my true heart desires... well... to save the world, of course....
God knows everything about our futures. Perhaps I won't live for another three years. Perhaps I will never live to see the effects of my life in the lives of others, or the truth of my faith in the faith of others... God will show me how to wisely use the life I have. I only need to follow.
Following has always been easy.
Please, God. Please take me there.
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