I sincerely want to live the rest of my life practicing all of God's ways. Christ, I want to be to the world what you were. I want to save them as you saved them.
What is a baptism? It can't possibly be just one isolated event. God's baptism, that of the heart, happens over and over again. It is like walking up a long, slow staircase. Each time we put a foot down, we have a new peace, a new understanding of our place in His work.
He fills us with what we can carry. He fills us again and again. And the cup deepens.
Some of us wade into the ocean up to our ankles. Some of us wade up to our knees, our waists. God, I want to tread water. Eventually, Christ, I would like to walk as You walked, pace back and forth across the ocean knowing my Father's hands are around me. I will be His adopted child, His smallest flower, His wild thing of faith.
I do not think there is shame in wanting this. I do not think it is blasphemous. I think only God can know my sincerity, and if God planted these desires in my heart, then I only pray that He fulfill them. I do not know what that will mean. I do not know the road. But even if it strips everything from me, as it already has... even if I am brought to my knees again and again, and made to crawl... I will not change my mind. God has graced me with His innocence and insurmountable courage. God has given me His Heart and Armor.
I have seen His mountains, and I will not turn away.
