Death of Self

“There was a day when I died; died to self, my opinions, preferences, tastes and will; died to the world, its approval or censure; died to the approval or blame even of my brethren or friends; and since then I have studied only to show myself approved unto God." ~ George Mueller

This is not a statement to make lightly.

Mueller speaks of the death of the self. This comes through intense suffering. We don't wake up one day and simply "die to self" because we "want" to.... The self never wants to die.... That is why its death is so painful, why we lose so much over the course of our lives, why it's so hard to let go.

Faith is a constant practice. It must be maintained through a lifetime, just like a good diet or exercise. The death of self might occur... but that doesn't mean that doubt can't slip in again. It is a narrow path.

My prayer when I was younger was for God to let me suffer so others didn't have to. Now I pray for the strength to survive; the strength to shoulder my own suffering, never mind that of my neighbor. Life is a lot harder as an adult than as a child; the faith that was so easy to maintain when I was young and sheltered is now challenged almost daily. It is not challenged by thought, but by action -- am I generous enough, patient enough, caring enough to my fellow man? Or am I becoming like everyone else, terrified, focused only on survival, too tired and frustrated to pay attention. This is a new faith I am learning; a faith that demands action in the real world outside a Church or a book. It must come from the inside, no matter what the circumstances. A faith that must extend to include others; to embrace others as they are, without demanding change or perfection. God didn't make us to be perfect, but He did make us to love.

Sometimes I sit outside and I find myself suddenly struck by the now, by the wind through the trees, and there You are, waiting for me, and a peace consumes me like slow quicksand. Suddenly I am sitting on grass, looking in wonder upon every surface, wondering how can it be You -- how can all of this Be You?

And sometimes I forget what You are, and I feel despaired, alone, backed into a corner and turned towards a wall. But I have only to bow my head in worship, honor the Wall, honor the Floor, honor the Pain because even You are Suffering.... 

You promised us nothing, Lord. You are not a joy free from suffering, but a suffering that is full of satisfaction. Being full, though not eating what we wish to eat. Being whole, though not composed of that which we choose.

Pray. Trust. Follow.

It is so easy to ask and receive...


and yet, hardly anyone asks...


and even less ask with their heart...


and so even fewer receive....

I don't know why it's so hard for people to be genuine. I don't know why it's so hard for people to just believe in something and love it. I don't know why faith is such a challenge for the mind. It is a beautiful way to live.

Don't approach God as a force or an idea. Approach Him as a person, as an entity, because He is one. No religion presents God as an intangible idea. Even Eastern religions describe it as the Higher Self. It is a Self. A being. A person inside of you. Communicate as you would with a friend.

Where there is life...

Where there is life, there is God.

In Heaven, there is life in its purest form.

Those who know God know life in its purest form.

God, give me back to God. Give me back to the Spirit of Life. Give me back to that which I came, to that which made me, and remade, and shall make again. God, bring me back to You that we might continue our work. I am sorry for straying. I am sorry for thinking I am not what I am; for thinking I am less or more. I am sorry for that which is between us.

God says, You are everything to me.

And I, I am nothing, if alone.

It cannot be earned...

Prayer is powerful. Prayer is the only means to awaken a soul to God. If prayer can make one see God, what can't it do?

Gifts cannot be earned. They can only be given freely. This is how God gives His Gifts. You cannot earn a blessing from God; you will never be pure enough to match the divine will; God made us this way. It is better to be weak. God loves to lift you. God is waiting for you to be weak and crawl to Him, that you might see Him, that He might show you His highest Self. If you do not approach God helplessly, that which thinks it is strong[er than God] will make you blind. Why else do we suffer? That we might learn the sweetness in suffering, the absolute nothingness of our smaller selves, and absolute surrender to our Father.

I surrender again and again. It is a daily practice. We can never be strong. We can only be weak with God; only in our weakness can God work through us. Only by our humility can we follow His path.

It is dangerous to say "I am God." To be God is not to be powerful, but to be Love. To be beyond self. To be the wholeness in all things. To have God's wholeness, there must be endless sacrifice until the very word sacrifice becomes irrelevant, because all things bring joy.

Love Letters IV

It is my joy to bring you joy. And when I bring others joy, I feel your joy, and I am warmed.

Give to me that I might give to them. Love me that I might love them. Heal me that I might heal them. Teach me that I might teach them.

You are my only, my divine, my immortal moment. You are melody in sound, a breath in the silence, the core of each verse. You sing to me and I sing to you; we sing for each other.

Dear God, I pray to be your divine melody, to learn and to sustain it. I pray to be the fullness of each note, the silence of each rest, the crescendo and finale. Dear God, I pray to be the voice of your voice, the will of your will, the heart of your heart and a vessel of your unconquerable love. Dear Lord, anoint me. Bring me your burdens in rain, sun, and storm. Give me the brightest lamp, the longest road, the hardest path and the highest peak; give me the heaviest heart that the world might be lighter. Show me your strength, and dear God, give me your courage that I might cry out against the sickness that has poisoned our people, the worm that has rotted the fruit of your trees. Dear God, make me a falcon that I might fly towards daybreak and skim the skies, lifted by your endless wind.

I shall move fast for your pace is upon me, and I know that you drive me as surely as daybreak, you lead me as the Sun across the sky.

On Miracles

A miracle is a state of mind.

Why do we not receive miracles? And when we do, why do we doubt what they are?

To receive miracles, to see miracles, to attract miracles into one's life, we must be open, observant, attentive, and patient. We must also begin to see the world differently. We are jaded by what we see every day: a plant, a bus stop, the sky, the ground, our own hands. We see these things and rely on them as physical attributes of our reality, and yet it is rare that we stop and think about them. The more one learns about matter, science, and the make up of reality, the more one sees that just the existence of everything around us is a miracle. Our very lives are miracles. And yet, when we pray, we can't help but doubt God and worry and trouble over our own prayers -- will God grant me what I am asking for? Will God save me from this situation? Will God help me? Will God send me a miracle? If God doesn't answer my prayers the way I want them, does that mean God doesn't exist? Or that God doesn't love me?

It is easy to pass off a miracle as coincidence, just as it is easy to pick only certain "miracles" to pay attention to. We make rules in our minds: its only a miracle if it can't be explained by nature, its only a miracle if it involves saving someone's life, or seeing an angel, or hearing a magical voice, etc. Stop seeing miracles as limited to only certain qualities. God is nature; of course a magical being of light is not going to burst out of thin air and grant you three wishes. God doesn't need to do that. God is the universe, God is the world, God speaks through the world and moves through the world; God doesn't need to break His own laws of nature to bring us miracles. Nature is the miracle. Logic is the miracle.

God wants us to understand Him; that is why God brings us miracles in logical, natural ways. God is saying -- Here I Am. Look No Further. I Am Under Your Two Feet. If God really wanted faith to be confusing and terrifying, God would send down legions of unexplainable blessings that would awe and astound us, and make us feel entirely disconnected from our own Creator. God does not want us to be afraid, but to realize our own relationship and intimate connection to Him. God wants us to discover the presence of God within ourselves and everything around us. That is the reason why we are here.

So when you ask for a miracle, have faith. We are tiny creatures so entangled in this reality that we can't see it for what it is. God is thinking, feeling, and consciously interacting with you every second of every day. Your life is the most intimate journey you will ever have with God, who is sharing your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams and desires. When you ask for a miracle, prepare yourself to receive one by reminding yourself that all miracles come by natural means, and that its okay that miracles are a part of nature, because nature is God.