You never lose the old, only gain the new.

You never lose the old, only gain the new.

There is no such thing as "getting over it." No such thing as "healing it." There is only that new self, that new life, you build for yourself. Once you live through hell, it always remains in your memory, in the solid bands of strength that define your character. Walking through hell--climbing out of it--defines you. Don't hate or regret it. Just know, no matter how far you think you travel beyond it, it will always be ready to assert itself over your life.

You can only keep moving forward. You can choose to walk away from it, toward joy, toward a good life, toward Heaven and all of God's blessings. You can choose that for yourself. You can do it every day.

Scars remain on the body. A scar is not something fully healed, but a permanent mar, a flaw that might be gruesome and unrelenting. Yet despite all the flaws of the body, the soul continues to grow. With each new period of growth, our soul becomes stronger, wiser, bigger than it used to be. We can move beyond our flaws. Eventually, we grow beyond our scars and move on to better, higher selves. But we will always remember the darkness that made us what we are.

Death of Self

“There was a day when I died; died to self, my opinions, preferences, tastes and will; died to the world, its approval or censure; died to the approval or blame even of my brethren or friends; and since then I have studied only to show myself approved unto God." ~ George Mueller

This is not a statement to make lightly.

Mueller speaks of the death of the self. This comes through intense suffering. We don't wake up one day and simply "die to self" because we "want" to.... The self never wants to die.... That is why its death is so painful, why we lose so much over the course of our lives, why it's so hard to let go.

Faith is a constant practice. It must be maintained through a lifetime, just like a good diet or exercise. The death of self might occur... but that doesn't mean that doubt can't slip in again. It is a narrow path.

My prayer when I was younger was for God to let me suffer so others didn't have to. Now I pray for the strength to survive; the strength to shoulder my own suffering, never mind that of my neighbor. Life is a lot harder as an adult than as a child; the faith that was so easy to maintain when I was young and sheltered is now challenged almost daily. It is not challenged by thought, but by action -- am I generous enough, patient enough, caring enough to my fellow man? Or am I becoming like everyone else, terrified, focused only on survival, too tired and frustrated to pay attention. This is a new faith I am learning; a faith that demands action in the real world outside a Church or a book. It must come from the inside, no matter what the circumstances. A faith that must extend to include others; to embrace others as they are, without demanding change or perfection. God didn't make us to be perfect, but He did make us to love.

Confessions IV

God, it is all so hard, you make me want to hide in your walls, under your bench, and never crawl out again.

I am burying myself in your fields, Lord.

It isn't healthy to smother ourselves, but sometimes that's all we can do. Sitting still is too painful, and when we are still, we feel all of the motion inside of us, the unending surges of grief and hope, of longing and despair, frustration as we try to understand ourselves and why we feel like we are drowning.

But we are drowning with You, Lord. You made this ocean.

Oh Lord of my Heart -- why bring me to my knees when I am already upon them in prayer?

He knows us so thoroughly.... It leaves me in endless awe how God fulfills our desires, even the ones we don't realize we have. Perhaps, in some cases, the fulfillment in momentary... a brief relationship or a day that goes much better than planned, a meeting with an old friend, etc... yet still God sees directly at the heart of the matter and brings us each to where we ideally belong.

God has a place for me, for my faith. It is not a place that I can imagine, nor do I think that anyone can imagine their own ideal home in the world, because we are barely acquainted with ourselves. But God knows all things, and if we are patient and follow in His footsteps, abide by His ways, then we reach that ideal place. Through each stage of our lives, even in deep suffering, we are in an ideal place.

Everything is always moving, in the process of becoming something else. I, too, must allow my faith to move and progress. I must allow myself to see God in different ways, so that I might understand to the best of my ability all that my Father is... because He is so many things, all things, and I am only one thing... and He is One in me....

How gentle God is, and how loving, and how forgiving....

and how sheltered He has made me, both hands cupped at my sides

and His feet under mine, holding me up like a child; who can walk on their own?

None of us, certainly. He has brought all things

into my life, new blessings, new worlds, new love

and all things have been kind on my journey.

I believe in a God who does not leave anyone behind. Not even those who want to be left. God does not abandon His children.

Happy to be an instrument.

Happy to carry the tune.

Because God reached beyond Himself to show me that I am Loved.

Life is full of separation.

Let no one's absence be a cause for suffering. People come and go. Let the happiness in your life come from within you. This way it can never be taken away.

Likewise, let your faith come from within you.

Do good deeds, and God will always be in your heart.

Speak kind words, and God will always be in your voice.

Think kind thoughts, and God will always be in your mind.

Be compassionate. Give of yourself without restraint. Always love first.

On this Day in Your Life, God wants you to know...

"... that the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang the best. Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you are, work with whatever is at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along."

Politics are a power game that man plays with itself. God's only interest is the state of your heart.

God is a sound that unites everything. It is heard through the body, not by the ears. It feels like all-encompassing love.

We are so small, and we think we are so significant! Love God. Strive to be simple. Enjoy being a part of it.

Put the tools in my hand, and I will do the work.

God says, First do the work... then I will craft your tools, make your keys, and even give you a door to open.

I love suffering, because it brings me God.

"We have had many harbingers and forerunners; but of a purely spiritual life, history has afforded no example. I mean, we have yet no man who has leaned entirely on his character, and eaten angels' food; who, trusting to his sentiments, found life made of miracles; who, working for universal aims, found himself fed, he knew not how; clothed, sheltered, and weaponed, he knew not how, and yet it was done by his own hands. ... Shall we say, then, that transcendentalism is the excess of Faith; the presentiment of a faith proper to man in his integrity, excessive only when his imperfect obedience hinders the satisfaction of his wish."

-Ralph Walder Emerson, Nature

I disagree. Is this not the faith that we all live by? Do we not all live entirely by our character, however limited? Do we not all find ourselves clothed, fed, and sheltered by our own hands, yet we know not how?

Let's take the time today to dwell on the miracle of our own lives, and how we must appear in the eyes of God. God does not require that we all live by an excess of faith, but He certainly looks after those who do, and there are many.

God's Wild Flower

As much as I am able to know, I am what I am, and I am willing to wait for what God has planned.

Lately I have been withdrawing from life and many of the people around me. I am taking longer breaks in solitude. It is strange to feel God call to us. It is a voice... like music, which moves through the whole body... and suddenly, I cannot choose anything else, I must go where I am drawn.

"For a long time I wondered why God showed partiality, why all souls don't receive the same amount of graces.

Jesus consented to teach me this mystery. He placed before my eyes the book of nature; I understood that all the flowers that He created are beautiful. The brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily don't take away the perfume of the lowly violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy.... I understood that if all the little flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose its springtime adornment, and the fields would no longer be sprinkled with little flowers....

So it is in the world of souls, which is Jesus' [God's] garden. He wanted to create great Saints who could be compared to lilies and roses. But He also created little ones, and these ought to be content to be daisies or violets destined to gladden God's eyes. Perfection consists in doing His will, in being what He wants us to be.

I understood that Our Lord's love is revealed as well in the simplest soul who doesn't resist His grace in anything. In fact, since the essence of love is to bring oneself low, if every soul were like the Saints and Prophets who have shed light on the Church, it seems that God wouldn't come low enough by forming only their great hearts. But He created the child who doesn't know anything and only cries weakly, He created poor ignorant persons who only have natural law as a guide -- and it is to their hearts that he consents to come down: Here are wildflowers whose simplicity delights Him....

Just as the sun shines at the same time on the tall cedars and on each little flower as if it were the only one on earth, in the same way Our Lord is concerned particularly for every soul as if there were none other like it. And just as in nature all the seasons are arranged in such a way as to cause the humblest daisy to open on the appointed day, in the same way all things correspond to the good of each soul."

St. Therese of Lisieux, 1873-1897 

May I always be God's wildflower, in his deepest forest, blooming.

Submission

Yes, life is predestined.

Yes, all things are known and planned by God.

I think it's a hard mindset for us to accept. I think it takes a true life of trial and submission to really see what God is. But when we take for granted that everything is preplanned, that all things are decided, we begin to see God's presence in everything. We begin to see a logical sequence in our lives.

To say that all things are not predestined is to lessen God's authority in our lives. We must live by faith alone; faith in our path and faith in our Father. It's a joke to think that we're allowed to "create" ourselves. We are partners with God, or we are nothing. Our own desires have little to do with who we are or the lives we live. Those who walk a spiritual path have few desires; that is why we are so overjoyed with our lives. All we desire is what God desires for us.

If you wish to know God, submit to it. Submission and sacrifice are the only way.

God, you are me. You are all of me.