Falling to the Wayside

How easily they fall to the wayside....
How easily they are captured by brilliant, glinting lights....

I have reached a point where the dust is clearing and things are beginning to settle. There are a few more upheavals on the way... the chance that we might not be able to keep our house, the possibility of having to sell, foreclose, move.... It is a terrifying thought. I have no family to help me, no place really to go. Perhaps God will spare me, or perhaps it is necessary for our plans. I don't know, but I will follow.

What I am noticing is the faith of others around me. When I lost my only parent, my friends rallied together and tried to shoulder the load right along with me. They grew in their faith, became passionate about spiritual insights, unknown possibilities, transformation....

And now, a little more than a year after the fact, they are slowly settling back to who they used to be. Dating, parties, work, and school... drama and conflict.... They tried their best. They did more than average and without needing to be asked. And perhaps, in many small, wondrous ways, they have changed....

But they grow tired of the chase, of the endless striving for God. It is a heavy task. Perhaps I do not find it so heavy because I am passionately in love with my Father... but for those who are not so irrationally in love, for those who do not starve for grace, what is there in religion that can outweigh the temptations of a worldly life? Only God can take us to a place and time when we realize our own mortality and emptiness. Only then will I see them pursue the divine with such a hunger....

I continue through this transformation that life has demanded of me. I continue to strive for God, and for God's plans. I am beginning to think that they don't want to hear it anymore. They don't understand my relationship with the Father or why it drives my every waking thought. It's okay. They don't need to understand. What I do, I do for God, and no one else.

But I pray that some day they will look at my life and see all of the things God has done... all of the amazing, miraculous ways God has helped me... and they will seek a path for themselves....